


Love is Dangerous

by Bright_Sea



Series: Jan and Pat's Journey [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Arguing, Bigotry & Prejudice, Break Up, Cancer, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, College Parties, Deceit Sanders Has ADHD, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has ADHD, Demiromantic Morality | Patton Sanders, Depression, Drama & Romance, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engagement, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Janus Sanders Has ADHD, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Military Families, Minor Character Death, Moving In Together, Nightmares, Parent Death, Partying, Peer Pressure, Post-Break Up, Prostitution, Romance, Slow Romance, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Trans Character, Transphobia, Vomiting, destruction of property, dropping out of college, lewd humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 32,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Sea/pseuds/Bright_Sea
Summary: Janus was looking forward to his junior year of college but after a death in his family and a heated argument that aired out all the dirty family laundry, Janus‘ mental health starts to decline. He’s lost interest in the things he once loved and is on the verge of dropping out before the year’s even begun.Patton believes college is the best option for him but no matter what courses he takes, he can't find the best fit. After meeting Janus and Remy, Patton gets the support he needs and starts to think about the future that would truly make him happy.Prequel to Fatherly Sides. Can be read alone.Note: The author provides chapter warnings and will give a brief summary to readers that are unable to read particular chapters due to triggering content. Request a summary in the comment section.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Past Morality | Patton Sanders/The Critic
Series: Jan and Pat's Journey [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746517
Comments: 38
Kudos: 116





	1. Got Something To Do With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit faces his father for the first time since he was a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Angst, anxiety attack, a lot of emotionally hurt Janus, mentions of child neglect, child abuse, parent death, mention of prostitution (not Janus), swearing, hitting, grief, HEATED family argument with all caps because damn I was quaking while I wrote it.

Late August and early September were when the emails came pouring in. 

BING! 

Join Drama Club. 

BING! 

Volunteer here. 

BING! 

Looking for work-study? 

BING! 

BING! 

BING! 

They were as endless as they were relentless. Every time students cleared their inboxes, more would fill it right back up. Freshman and Sophomore year, Janus was never bothered by this. He jumped headfirst into them. He’d swim straight for the drama clubs and theater announcements. Once those were found, he’d kick his way deeper. Maybe he’d find something in law or psychology? Heck, a movie club wouldn’t even be that bad. There was always something that could pique his interest but Junior year was different. On the second day of classes, a week into September, Janus hadn’t absorbed a single morsel. These were the very things that brought him joy but joy was not something he felt he could seek out anymore. 

Janus stood quietly under a yellowed light, his phone shoved deep within his pockets, just as untouched as his emails. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

He shook the visitor’s veiny hands as she walked up to him. He forced a smile but he doubted it looked like one anymore. 

The woman’s eyes locked behind Janus. He followed her gaze, taking in the lax expression of his late mother. 

“She’s beautiful,” she said.

Beautiful wasn’t what Janus would call her. To him, she looked like a manikin. It’s what she requested though. She wanted her pearls, the ones that one guy got her while they were in the Caribbean. It was around the same time Janus’s dad was flying out to the local military base and Janus himself was dumpster diving for his school lunches. She was in a lacy baby blue dress too, the one that drew the eye down to her ass. The only thing she requested that wasn’t on her was the ring Janus’s dad gave her. Janus had plucked it off her finger before the funeral director opened the doors. He needed money to pay for tuition and god knows his mother didn’t leave him any. It’s not like it would have succeeded in making her as beautiful as the old lady seemed to think her to be anyway. 

Beautiful was the mom five-year-old Janus remembered. She was the woman with messy hair and crows feet that had yet to be altered by botox. She was the mom that would sing to Janus late at night despite having eye bags and a sore throat from a late night of “singing” at the bars for quick change.

Janus shook his head and walked away from his mother’s casket. He stepped up to a table scattered with various pictures. There was only one that wasn’t taken off his mother’s online accounts. It was a picture of himself, his mother, and his father. They smiled genuinely into the camera, Janus on his father’s shoulders and his mother laughing as she held his hand in hers. 

He picked up the picture. 

“What happened?” he asked the photo but the two grownups in it couldn’t answer. 

Another stranger came to shake Janus’ hand. They spouted lies about his mother just like all the others. “She’ll be missed” was a big one. Janus wished that they’d just be truthful. 

“You’re mom’s a bitch and this is stupid.”

A grin slipped over Janus’ lips and he turned his head, eyes falling onto his best friend. Remy was standing near the open window. He was wearing a black bomber jacket and his usual pair of sunglasses. There was a green helmet beneath his arm, the one he bought so it would match the paint of his new motorcycle. 

“Hey, Rem,” Janus said. He walked over to his friend, greeting him with a high-five. “Don’t you have class?”

“Pft. I can pass Communications with my eyes closed,” Remy huffed. He pointed at Janus. “Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t come to free you from this hell?”

“Very true.”

“Where ya wanna go? I’ve got a six-pack and a bike with your name on it.”

“How about—”

A hush ran through the room. The hair on the back of Janus’ neck stood on end. Even Remy stiffened, his body shifting closer to the window, his eyes glued to something behind his best friend. 

A hand dropped on Janus’s shoulder, and he looked up, eyes meeting the heavy gaze of a man he hadn't seen since his younger years. A wave of lava heated emotion splashed through his veins. He wanted to flinch away, to scramble for the window just as Remy had. It was time to end such old habits though, Janus realized as he eyed the older man up and down. His father was no longer the large man with thick muscle Janus remembered. He was still big, but his hair was balding, and his body leaned heavily against a black cane. His rounded gut spilled out past his waistband, reminding Janus of the one time the guy had dressed up as Santa for Christmas. This wasn’t a jolly Santa though. This was a man weighed on by the world. He was weak, and this was Janus’ chance.

“Oh, hey, Pops,” Janus said and he turned around fully, blocking Remy from his father’s view. “Glad you got the invite. I’m sure mom would’ve appreciated it. Since you’re here do you mind greeting some of the guests?” 

He pointed at a man with a combover standing in the corner of the room.

“That’s Tod. He’s the guy who took Mom to New York while you were in California.” 

Janus pointed at a younger man standing over a table of photos. 

“Over there is Jacob. He actually stayed with us while you were recruiting in Washington. Dude made a mean omelet in the morning but I don’t think that’s why mom fu—”

SLAP

Pain shot across Janus’ face and his head whipped back. It was weaker than it used to be but the pain still sent tears flying to Janus’ eyes. 

“Do not talk of the dead like that,” his father snapped.

“Why do you care?” Janus shot back while rubbing his cheek.

“Watch your tongue.”

“You’d know all about that, would you? Since you know...you never said a thing to Mom. You knew she wasn’t happy, that she was cheating but you never said a damn thing, did you? Just drove away in your black van or flew away in some fancy fucking jet and forgot about us.”

“This isn’t—“

Janus ignored him. 

“Well, you forgot for the most part. You always had plenty to say to me, didn’t you?”

“Janus, stop.”

“Yeah, you’d say that a lot. A bit meaner though. Remember that one time I called you the first time I got picked up by the police? I got hungry since mom was off fucking who the hell knows who all week. I got caught and when I called what did you say?” Janus dropped his voice. “Don’t call me again.” Janus laughed. “I think I was...what? Sixteen?” He turned to look at Remy. “We were sixteen when we met in that hellhole right?”

“Fifteen,” Remy corrected softly.

“Fifteen!” Janus shouted, holding his hands out to either side of his body. “Even better.”

“You’re making a scene.”

“Ah, yes. You’ve said that one too.”

“Jesus, Janus.” His father ran a hand through the three strands of hair on his head. “What do you want?”

“Acknowledgment!” Janus hit his own chest as he spelled out the word. ”Something. Just say something to me.” He waved a hand at his mother’s casket. “To mom.” 

His father stepped into Janus’ space until their chests were almost touching. 

“Fine,” the old man growled and the noise nearly knocked Janus harder than the slap. 

“You want me to talk? I’ll talk.” His eyes burned into Janus’. “I did everything I could to give you and your mother a better life but you…” He chuckled lowly. “It was just one thing after another. You kept on whining and picking fights—”

“I was being bullied—”

“You wanted me to talk!” Janus’ father threw his hands up. “I’m talking!”

Janus fell silent and his father went on.

“I bought a house in this damn town so you could have a stable home and what good did that do? Skipping school, shoplifting, fires, underage drinking, public indecency— the list goes on! You were a constant thorn in my side and every second your name didn’t get brought up in conversation was music to my fucking ears.” He lowered his voice, venom dripping from his lips. “You were a goddamn disappointment.”

Janus’ father stepped back then and let himself breathe. His eyes drifted to Janus’ mother then, his eyes softening. 

“And you,” he said, his voice scarily gentle. “I really did love you. I should’ve said it more.” 

His eyes cut into Janus. 

“That’s at least one thing our son was right about.”

The blood in Janus’ veins boiled and it only grew worse as his father’s words cut back to him.

“Happy?” his father asked. “Or do you want more?” He huffed. “Shouldn’t you be in class? Law student my ass. I don’t know why you bother. What makes you think you’ll be anything better than the dirt you’ve been since the very beginning?”

Tears built up in the corners of Janus’ eyes. He looked at the picture he had placed back on the table, the one of him and his family looking so normal and happy. 

“What happened?” Janus asked, his voice incredibly small. The venom that had once been there was gone, drowned out by his father’s.

“That?” Janus’ father shook his head at the picture. “Some say life,” he answered. “But really I blame you.” 

He turned his back on Janus then. He marched over to the funeral director, talking to the man like he hadn’t just let the dirty laundry loose for the entire room to hear. 

Janus turned his back too. He wedged himself out the empty window, dragging Remy with him. 

“Dee—”

“Let’s just get out of here,” Janus choked. 

Remy gripped Janus’ wrist. 

“Babe, stop—”

“Don’t!” Janus let go of Remy and pressed the palms of his hands to his ears. “Don’t...”

Remy tugged Janus’ hands down and held them like he was holding something precious. 

“Dee, you’re breathing—”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Shut up!”

Janus ripped his hands away again. He started to walk towards Remy’s bike but by the second step, he fell to his knees. He wheezed as he tried to draw in a breath but his chest wouldn’t rise or fall when he told it too. His face was wet too, tears and sweat intermingling in thick rivers. 

“Come here, Dee.” Remy pulled Janus against his chest. “Copy me, okay? Breathe in…”

Remy’s chest rose.

“Breathe out…”

Remy’s chest fell.

“And repeat.”

By the time Janus’ breathing matched up with Remy’s his body was spent of energy. He was leaning fully against Remy, his eyes heavy and threatening to fall shut. 

“Mmm tired.”

“You brought your car, right? I’ll drive us to my place,” Remy whispered into Janus’ hair. “I was hoping for a bike ride but can’t risk you falling off.”

“Dad’d be okay with it.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t.” Remy pressed a kiss to the top of Janus’ hair. “I love ya, Dee. You know that, right?”

Janus sleepily nuzzled his face into Remy’s coat. 

“I love you too,” he said, his words wet as tears threatened to come back.

“Oh, Dee…” Remy rocked him back and forth. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“Is it true?” Janus looked up at Remy, searching his friend’s eyes. “What Dad said?”

Remy raised a brow. 

“Dee, you can’t be serious?” He grit his teeth, anger bleeding across his face. “That fucking bastard. Dee, listen to me…” Remy squeezed Janus tight. “He has no right to pin his absence on you. He could’ve talked it out with your mom, with you. Heck, let’s be real, family therapy would’ve done you guys some good. But he didn’t try, Dee. You did in your own way and...I guess your mom did too.” 

_ But it’s my fault. If I had been better, if I had been good… _

“Yeah,” Janus let himself breathe. “You’re right.” He buried his face into Remy’s coat so his friend couldn’t see the reality of his words. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ll be here if you ever need the reminder.”

Janus nodded. 

“I’ll hold you up to that.” He cleared his eyes. “Now...you said you had a six-pack?”

Remy grinned ear to ear. 

“The good stuff,” Remy promised. “Now, how ya feeling? Wanna do car or bike?”

Janus grabbed the helmet sitting by Remy’s knee. He shoved it onto his head and clipped on the straps. A little wind would do him good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because this shit is gonna be really heavy and distressing some chapters, I will post warnings in the beginning notes for each chapter so you can easily skip if need be. If you can’t read a specific chapter and want a summary of what happened so you can follow along, just ask in the comment section and I will give you one. Do NOT force yourself to read something that can hurt you, please. Also, if I forget to put something in the warning, let me know and I’ll add it as quickly as possible.


	2. I’m Livin' in a Lying Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five weeks after his mom's funeral, Janus isn't doing great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: depression, drinking (pre-gaming), swearing, nightmares

~five weeks later~

Curled up in his bed, Janus stared up at his flaking ceiling. He counted every single crack. In turn, they led him to his open window. Band music was blasting from outside. The red from the number of red solo cups were reflecting against the window shades, turning them a faded pink. 

Janus groaned and turned around in his bed, facing the wall. He threw a pillow over his head, trying to smother the sound coming from his window. It was football season. Or, as Janus liked to call it, party season. Janus didn’t normally have a problem with it. As a junior, he had gone to his fair share of games and pre/post-game parties. He used to enjoy himself. His best friend would drag him to every house near their street. They’d spend precious study time lounging by coolers and daring themselves to chug the piss-warm alcohol they just wasted five dollars on. He should have been doing that now, but instead, he was locked away in his room. His eyelids felt so heavy. He just wanted to drift away. Maybe if he were lucky, his body would catch a hint and just let him sleep the rest of his days away.

The person knocking on his bedroom door, however, had different plans. 

“For fuck's sake! I already told you, Mitchell!” Janus shouted through his pillow. “I’m not sharing my alcohol!” He squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the headache the knocking had pummeled into his head.

“Bitch, you did  _ not  _ just call me your shitty roommate.”

Janus dropped his pillow and glared at his now open door. Remy stood by his bed in a crop top and impossibly short jean shorts. There was a red solo cup in his hand that smelled like an odd mixture of coffee and Hamms. 

“Bit early for bed isn’t it, Babe?” Remy asked. He sat down at the edge of Janus’ bed, setting his cup down on the nightstand where Janus was sure it would stay even when Remy left. He looked around Janus’ room, nose wrinkling at the mess of papers and textbooks everywhere. “Christ! What the hell happened here?”

“A heavy mix of Jack Daniels and an F on my first law exam.”

“Oh, Babe!” Remy wrapped his arms around Janus, ignoring how his friend tried to burry himself further into his bed. “Why didn’t you text me? I would’ve—”

“Didn’t feel like talking to people,” Janus interrupted. He closed his eyes. “Still don’t.”

Remy frowned. 

“Dee, are you okay?” He dropped a hand on Janus’ head, fingers curling through his hair. “I’ve never seen you like this.” He smirked. “Last time you got an F we ordered Dominos at 2 am and played Dance Dance Revolution until Mitchell threatened to throw the game out the window.”

Janus hummed as the memory came back to him. Normally, it would get a smile out of him but right now he was too tired. His muscles felt heavy, like some kind of weight had been put on them. 

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Remy asked. He was still carding his fingers through Janus’ hair. “Or talk? I’m here if you need to get something off your chest.”

“I’m good, Remy,” Janus reassured. “Go have fun. I have a paper to write.”

Remy glanced at the window and then back at Janus. 

“If you’re sure…”

“Course.” Janus forced himself to sit up and look Remy in the eye. If there’s anything law has taught him, eye contact is key if you want to pull off a good lie. “Can’t have you wasting that ticket. How much was the first game?”

“Over $100.”

“Are you nuts?” Janus yelled. “Do you know how much pizza we could’ve ordered with that?”

“Don’t remind me.” Remy dropped his head against Janus’ shoulder with a groan. “I’ll stop by after the game,” he promised. 

“What about post-game parties?”

“Will you go with me?” Remy looked up at him, eyes big and puppy-like. “Pretty please?”

Janus groaned and shoved Remy’s face away from himself. 

“If I finish my paper,” he promised. 

Remy squealed with delight. He wrapped his arms around Janus, dragging him into a hug. 

“I love youuuuu!” 

“Ugh, Remy, get off,” Janus tried to shove his friend away. “You reek of Hamms.”

Remy plopped a wet kiss to Janus’ cheek but finally released his friend. He gave him a quick farewell wave and then disappeared out the door he came. 

Janus stared at his door for a long moment. His eyes slowly dragged away to the nightstand where Remy’s red cup was still sitting. With a huff, he turned his back on the cup and went back to staring at his wall. He picked at the flaking paint. It wasn’t long until his hand fell against the mattress, sleep zapping all his strength as it pulled him under for the second time that day.

* * *

When Janus opened his eyes again, he was sitting in a black box. There was no light in the box, just endless darkness that sent chills up Janus’ spine.

“Hello?” 

Nobody answered.

Janus called out again, but the same silence met him. With a huff, he walked over to one of the walls, pressing against it. When he pulled his hand back, his handprint stayed in place, but it was glowing bright yellow. 

“What the fu—”

The yellow hand shifted. It started to form a series of words that stretched along the wall in curling letters. Janus’ breath caught in his throat as he read.

“What are you doing with your life?” the wall asked. “What’s the point?”

Janus stepped away from the wall but the words started to bolden and grow in size. He dropped his head when the yellow began to burn his eyes, burying it in his hands. 

“You should just give up.”

“Shut up!” Janus shouted and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Why?” the walls whispered. “Are we wrong?”

“Yes!”

“Liar.”

Janus whimpered and fell to his knees. He curled up in a ball, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Please,” he begged the walls. “Please stop.”

The walls laughed at him. The yellow words grew bolder and when Janus didn’t look, the entire room started to shake. There was no escaping the burning yellow. They were etching themselves into Janus’ very skin, leaving absolutely nothing behind.

* * *

Janus shot up in bed. Sweat beaded down his brow and dribbled off the tip of his chin. He looked around himself, eyes taking in the white, flaking walls that now surrounded him. He kept waiting for words to litter them but they didn’t. When they didn’t warp under his eye or shout abuse, Janus dropped back against his pillows. His bottom lip wobbled, tears building in his eyes. He covered his eyes and bit his lip, trying to choke the sob he knew was coming. 

“Why?” he asked the white walls of his room. “Why do I feel like this?”

The walls didn’t answer. The door, on the other hand, did. It slammed open, a very drunk Mitchell fumbling with it. Janus scrambled to clear his eyes but it was too late.

“Crying by yourself again?” Mitchell teased. “I could hear you from the living room.”

“Fuck off, Mitch,” Janus said and he threw his pillow at his roommate.

Mitchell caught it easily. 

“Hey, you got any vodka? My buds and I ran out.”

“If I give it to you will you leave me alone?”

“For today at least.”

Janus took the offer. He dragged himself from his bed and pulled the locked box out from beneath his bed. He plucked in the code and pulled out all three bottles of vodka, knowing full well he wouldn’t get any peace if Mitchell only got one.

“You're a lifesaver, Dee!” Mitchell shouted before slamming the door, bottles of vodka clinking in his arms. 

Janus slipped down to the floor and buried his face against his knees. He could hear Mitchell and his buddies laughing in the living room over the thumping of too loud music. He belted out a scream when the music reached its loudest point. His throat began to burn at some point but Janus didn’t stop. He kept going, ignoring the tears rolling down his cheeks again and the way his heart screamed with him.


	3. Strangers In the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go partying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Drinking, vomiting, unsafe partying (drunk people on roofs)

Two more screaming sessions, a nap, and a couple of shots of vodka later, Janus still felt like he’d been run over by a truck. He was walking down the sidewalk, Remy on his arm. Remy had shown up sometime after Janus’ third nap a little more than hammered and raring to go dancing. Despite not wanting to do anything, Janus led Remy into the living room. He grabbed what little was left of the vodka and poured himself and Remy a handful of shots. Not long after the fifth glass, Janus’s head was buzzing and he was quietly thankful for that. The words that haunted his thoughts were muffled, not gone but Janus would take what he could get.

“So you wanna go dancing?” Janus asked while watching Remy down a sixth shot. “You know you have to stand?”

Remy slammed his empty glass on the coffee table proudly. 

“Let’s go ta Larry’s!” Remy slurred, clearly not hearing Janus’ jab. “He and Dot got great taste! All Queeeeen~”

“Whatever you say, Rem,” Janus said with a roll of his eyes. 

He helped Remy out of the apartment and down the stairs. Remy bolted the second they hit the outside. He hooted into the open-air earning a few hoots in return from the other party-goers that lined the street. 

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack,” Janus scolded as he ran over and grabbed Remy by the arm. He dragged his friend away from the busy road and started to lead him down the sidewalk.

“You should’ a had another shot!” Remy yelled into Janus’ try ear. “You’re not having fun.”

“I’m having fun,” Janus lied.

Remy didn’t call him out on it. He couldn’t. His brain was the equivalent of cottage cheese right now. He chattered to Janus about everything and anything. There was even a point where he started talking about the game and how “Omg, there were so many cute boys on the field!” repeatedly until Janus started to fear Remy had fallen into broken record mode.

“Dee! Dee!” Remy cried as he and Janus turned a corner and started down the block Larry’s house was on. “Look! We’re here! That’s Larry’s place!” 

He pointed to a house sitting just a few steps away. Pride flags hung from the balcony and drunk college students crawled out of the top floor window to sit on the sloped roof. They jumped around, heads bobbing to the music blasting from downstairs.

“Well now. Doesn’t that make you feel safe?” Janus said with a roll of his eyes. “Hope Larry dragged the trampoline out in case of falls.”

Remy raised a brow at his friend. 

“You okay, Dee?” he asked, sounding surprisingly sober.

“Sure. Why?”

“You love sitting on roofs during parties.”

Janus sighed. He looked down, watching his feet while they walked. 

“I used to,” Janus murmured but Remy didn’t hear him. The music suddenly got louder. Someone had turned it up, sending Queen blasting down the street.

“I love this song!” Remy screamed and he started to chant the lyrics until his voice was straining to hit the notes. 

Janus shook his head and grabbed hold of Remy. He dragged Remy down the sidewalk. It took some managing, but he and Remy eventually managed to shimmy their way up the steps and into Larry’s packed house. The place was a mess of bodies. They were all wearing the same colored T-shirts and bandanas on their heads. Janus couldn’t judge them to much though. He looked the same. It was the smartest thing to do really. The more he fit into the crowd the less likely unwanted attention would find its way to him. Well, to a point. He was best friends with Remy after all. 

“Remy! Dee!” 

Janus started. His head shot up, eyes peering over several sweating bodies before falling onto a man about a year ahead of them. He was wearing a jersey and his hair was painted the school colors. 

“Larry!” Remy squealed. “Great music!”

“Queen man!” Larry held up his beer and Remy held up his empty hand. He pouted at it, looking ready to cry.

Larry laughed at him. 

“Drinks are in the kitchen!” Larry yelled at Janus. 

“Thanks!” Janus yelled back and he dragged a pouting Remy into the kitchen.

The kitchen was cluttered in empty jars and cases of beer. Red solo cups sat everywhere, some with initials and others not. Larry’s girlfriend, Dot was throwing out the unlabeled ones. 

“Hey, boys!” Dot said, her face splitting into a grin and cracking her face-paint. “Looking for the booze? I made some pretty strong stuff this morning. It’s in the red tote.”

Remy went over to said tote and popped off the lid. Sure enough, inside was a ton of ice, sliced oranges, and an assortment of alcohol that would most likely have both him and Janus blacked out by the end of the night.

Janus and Remy shared a grin. 

“Perfect,” they said and they scooped a cupful for themselves.

Dot handed them a magic marker. 

“Remember,” she said. “Don’t go leaving your drinks for creeps to mess with.”

“Yes, mom!” Remy called over his shoulder. He was making his way to the living room, hips moving with the newest Queen song that had just started.

Janus shook his head as he watched his best friend go. He raised his drink towards Dot. 

“Thanks, D,” he said. 

Dot frowned. 

“You okay, Hon?” she asked. “You’re looking a little melancholy.”

“Bad test grade,” Janus answered. It wasn’t really a lie. He was upset about the grade but it wasn’t necessarily the reason his brain felt so out of sync. 

“Don’t let it weigh on your head too much.” Dot patted his shoulder. “You’ll get the next one.”

“Thanks, Dot.” He left the kitchen then, wandering into the living room to hunt down Remy. 

* * *

Remy was with Larry. The two of them were standing on top of the couch, singing “We are the champions” into their solo cups. The bodies around them waved their own cups in the air, cheering the two on.

Janus stayed off to the side. He leaned on a bookshelf, nursing Dot’s concoction quietly. He thought about walking up to a group of people to socialize but everything in his being just said not to do it. So, Janus decided to do the next best thing. After waving at Remy, Janus made his way to the bathroom, deciding to make it his permanent hiding place.

Unfortunately, the second Janus stepped into the bathroom, he was struck by the stench of vomit. It coiled in the air, fresh and nauseating. Janus didn’t waste a second marching over to the bathroom window and propping it open. As he did, he almost tripped over the man currently thrown over the toilet bowl. The guy’s fingers shook against the white porcelain and a miserable whimper left his spit and vomit slick lips. He had long, curly brown hair. It fell into his face, mixing with the disgusting chunks of pizza and booze.

Janus knelt down beside the guy and carefully pulled his hair back. He ignored the slimy feeling that quickly brushed against his fingers. 

“Better?” he asked the stranger.

The man looked up at him, his baby blues staring wide into Janus’s tea-green. 

“S...sorry.”

“It’s all good,” Janus reassured. He nodded at the toilet. “So what did it? Too much of Dot’s concoction?”

“Hamms.”

“You got sick over that watered-down shit?”

“And two shots. I don’t drink much.”

“Clearly.” Janus shook his head. “I’m Dee by the way. You?”

“Patton—” He turned his head, throwing up in the toilet again. 

Janus rubbed his back with one hand while the other held his hair. “You here with someone? I think you better head home, man.”

Patton shook his head. 

“Th...they left.”

Janus raised a brow. 

“They left you here by yourself?” he questioned. 

When Patton nodded, Janus felt anger boil in the pit of his stomach. He shoved it down though. Patton didn’t need him to get angry right now. The poor guy was puking his guts out and absolutely miserable.

“You want me to call you a ride?”

“C...could you w...walk me back?” Patton whimpered. “It...it’s not far.”

Janus chewed his lip. 

“No,” he said. “I can’t. I’ve gotta keep an eye on my own friend. But…” he patted Patton’s shoulder. “I know someone else who can.”

A nervous look passed along Patton’s eyes.

Janus held up his hands. 

“No strangers,” Janus reassured. “You met Dot, right? Larry’s girl? She’ll walk with you. She’s the mom of our group.”

Relief replaced the nerves. 

“Thanks,” Patton said and his smile made Janus’ heart do somersaults. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think about ditching your friend at a party like this I will personally drop-kick you :)


	4. Faces In the Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Remy go to the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Depression, Drinking, hallucinations, lewd humor, self-harm (w/hot water), bullying, blood, beating

Two weeks have passed since the party and Janus was still a prisoner of his own bed. He sat on it, back against his wall. Sprawled across his floor were several more failed test scores and notices from the school board warning him about his lack of attendance. Janus couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt horrendously numb.

A noise sounded from Janus’ lap and he looked down at his phone, one of the new Nokia Remy’s grandmother had gifted him after his high school graduation.

**_From:Remy_ **

_ game starts at 2 still wanna go right? _

**_Sent:_ **

_ Fuck yeah! That ticket cost an arm and a leg! _

**_From: Remy_ **

_ give up the other ones and u be a snake  _

**_Sent:_ ** __

_ Weirdo _

**_Remy:_ ** __

_ u love me  _

Janus tossed his phone to the side. He ran a hand through his hair. Grease clung to his fingers and Janus wondered if he’d have enough to deep fry the chicken that’s been sitting in his fridge. He winced, thinking that he should really get on to cooking that. It’s been what? A month? It was still good, right?

Cooking would have to wait though. Remy would be over soon and Janus was in desperate need of a shower. 

Grabbing a towel and a change of clothes, Janus left the safety of his room. Mitchell was thankfully out of town for the week so Janus has the apartment to himself. He walked into the bathroom, turning the water on and jumping beneath the steady stream. He sighed as warmth flooded against his skin. Finally, he could feel something. Janus turned up the heat, wanting to feel more. The water bit at his skin, turning almost a blistering red. Steam filled the bathroom and slipped out under the crack between the floor and door. He reached to turn the heat up some more but the sudden BEEP of the fire alarm forced him to turn the water off. 

Panicked, Janus threw a towel around his hips. He ran out of the bathroom, releasing more of the burning steam. 

“Goddamn it,” Janus growled and he swatted at the fire alarm with the towel that had been around his hips. He was too short to turn the damn thing off so this was the best he could manage. 

“Well, this was not the welcome I was expecting.”

Janus turned, eyes falling onto his best friend. Remy was leaning in the doorway, a shit-eating grin on his face and a camera in his hand. 

“You could help you know,” Janus hissed, quickly throwing his towel back over himself.

Remy chuckled and walked closer to Janus. He tipped himself onto his toes and raised a hand, turning off the blaring alarm. 

“Better?” Remy asked. 

“Yeah.” Janus sighed. “Thanks.”

Remy poked the red, scalded skin not covered by Janus’s towel. 

“Damn. What are you? A lobster?”

“I like hot showers.”

“Me too, babe, but I draw the line at boiling myself alive.”

Janus shrugged and turned on his heel. 

“I’m gonna get dressed.” 

“You’re not…” Remy cleared his throat. “You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?”

Janus turned back around. Remy’s eyes were down and his hand was curled into a fist at his side. 

“Wh...what?” Janus chuckled nervously. “Why would I do that, Rem?”

Remy shrugged a shoulder. 

“I just...you’ve been acting weird lately. Larry said you haven’t been going to drama club.”

Janus swore under his breath. 

“I’ve just felt a little queasy lately. It’s just stress. That bad test score got to me more than I originally thought.” 

“Is this really about the test score?” 

“I was bound to have a crisis sooner than later.” He held up his hands. “We’re Juniors, ya know? We only have one year left.”

“I guess.” Remy shifted on his feet. “That’s honestly all this is? It’s...nothing else?”

“What else could it be?”

“Your parents.”

Janus held back a flinch and forced a smile at his friend. 

“Promise, Rem,” he lied. “It really isn’t.”

Janus turned back around then. He hurried to his room and started searching for his clothes. The walls warped under his gaze and three yellow letters appeared. 

“Liar,” the wall hissed.

“Fuck off,” Janus whispered back and he quickly threw on his clothes before running from his room. 

* * *

After some pre-gaming, Janus and Remy stood in the student section of Joan University's football stadium, flasks filled with Miller Lite hidden in their coat pockets. Their school’s mascot, the metal Viking, ran up to Remy and posed with him briefly for a photo before running to the next row of students.

“Damn,” Janus huffed. “I don’t know how Larry does it. I’m getting tired just watching him.” 

He turned his eyes back to the football field. The cheerleaders were running out onto the field, Pom-poms in the air and faces split in wild grins. They started to build several pyramids and Janus’ couldn’t help but latch on to a familiar flash of long, curly brown hair. 

“Holy shit,” Janus whispered under his breath as a pair of baby blue eyes looked over the crowded stands. “Patton?”

Remy followed his friend’s gaze, grinning on realizing that he was ogling one of Joan University’s newest cheerleaders.

“You want a banana for that split, Dee?”

A blush ran rampant across Janus’ cheeks. 

“He’s cute,” Remy admitted and he nudged Janus’ side. “You wanna meet him after the game?”

Janus’ eyes widened. 

“You know him?”

“Bitch, please! I know everybody.” Remy took a swig of his drink. “He’s a junior too. Transferred here from a community college in Florida. I have psych lab with him.”

“He’s a psych major too?”

“Undecided actually.” Remy shrugged. “So you want to meet him or…”

“Yes,” Janus answered just a tad too quickly.

Remy smirked. 

“Oh-ho! Do I smell a crush?”

“You just agreed he’s cute!”

“Mmmhmm.” Remy leaned a little closer to Janus. “Yeah, but I think everyone with a dick in their pants is cute.” He pointed at Janus. “You on the other hand are a bit pickier.”

Janus huffed, folding his arms across his chest. 

“I’m not picky. I just...that kind of stuff doesn’t hit me the same way.” Janus waved a hand at Patton. “This might not even go anywhere. It could just be one of those fleeting moments. I don’t even know him.”

Remy sighed. 

“You don’t know till you try, babe.”

“Do I even want to try?” Janus asked himself. He watched the cheerleader wave at the crowd. It has been so long that he’s actually been interested in something, someone. Maybe cheerleader boy was just the medicine Janus’ brain needed.

* * *

The metal Vikings won 62 to 0. Students cheered and the band blasted the school song until Janus swore it was the only thing he’d be able to hear for the rest of his life. By now, the alcohol in Janus’ system was working its magic. He forgot about his mother, father, and his wall’s words. Now, all he could think about was the game and the cute cheerleader Remy was currently dragging him towards. 

Patton was still on the field. A few girls were swarmed around him, laughing into their hands and bouncing on the balls of their heals. 

“Ha! They’re gonna be soooo disappointed,” Remy cackled. 

Janus laughed with him, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he was laughing. He just felt giggly, little bubbles of it busting up his throat and popping from his lips. 

The bubbles stopped forming, however, as something caught Janus in the corner of his eye. The hair stood up on the back of Janus’ neck and he shot his head to the side, eyes falling onto a family standing by the food stand. A mother stood with a little boy in her arms, her face covered in laugh lines. A man stood with her. His arms were big and he easily towered over most of the people in line. His hair was military cut and the piercing was of his eyes made Janus’ legs wobble. 

“D...Dad?” Janus stammered The food stand came into view at some point and Janus.

The man looked at him brow raised. 

“I’m not your dad,” he said and Janus felt his mouth go dry. He looked around. He couldn’t see Remy anymore, couldn’t feel their hands entangled. 

He tried to breathe but his lungs filled up with nothing. Again, something moved in the corner of his eye. He looked back towards the bleachers, watching as a kid was dragged beneath the bleachers by two bigger boys. They kicked bruises into his ribs and his face split under their sneakers, blood pouring from his wounds.

“Dee?” 

There was Remy’s voice but where was he?

“Remy?” Janus called out and he pointed at the bleachers. “That kid…”

“What kid, Dee?” 

“The one under the bleachers. He’s hurt. We have to…”

Something squeezed his hand. 

“Dee, there isn’t anyone under the bleachers.”

Dee blinked. 

“Oh,” he said. “You’re right.” Janus pressed a hand to his own ribs, feeling the phantom ache beneath his fingers. “But there was once.”

Fingers snapped in front of Janus’ eyes and suddenly, Janus could see a blurry Remy staring into his eyes. Remy’s face was pale and worry lines lined his brow. 

“Dee, you’re scaring me,” Remy yelled and he shook Janus by the shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“I...Remy, I don’t feel…” Janus swayed on his feet but Remy caught him. “I think I had too much to drink.”

“Okay.” Remy put Janus’ arm around him. “It’s going to be okay. Let's get you home.”


	5. Caught in the Headlights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus wakes up after the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Mentions of vomiting, mentions of hallucinations, intrusive thoughts, depression, attempted suicide, car crash

When Janus woke up, the first thing he noticed was Remy curled up by his side, hands fisted into Janus’s shirt. He was snoring softly, mumbling nonsense every now and again. A smile eased over Janus’s lips as he watched his friend sleep but fell instantly as a sharp pain rattled his skull. He sucked in a breath. Of all the hangovers he’s dealt with, this one had to be the nastiest. His skull felt like it was splitting in two. Even Janus’s eyes ached. 

He threw an arm over his eyes. 

“God, what did we do last night?” Janus grumbled, more to himself than Remy. He peaked out from behind his arm to look around his room. His memory jogged along with his eyes, searching for something that may trigger some recognition.

“Puke bucket, water bottles…” Janus’ head ached more as the scent of his own throw-up reached his nose. “What the hell happened?”

Remy shifted and Janus clapped a hand over his mouth. It was too late though, Remy blinked slowly, waking on hearing his friend’s voice. His eyes widened when they fell onto Janus’s face and he clung to his best friend like his life depended on it. 

“Woah!” Janus stiffened under Remy’s sudden attack. “Morning to you too.”

“Shut up,” Remy grumbled against Janus’s shirt.

Janus let his hands fall to Remy’s back, sensing something up with his friend.

“You really scared the fuck out of me, Bitch.” Remy let out a shaky breath. “You drank too much,” he whispered. “Started seeing shit.”

Janus hugged Remy closer, guilt gnawing at his heart. 

“S...Sorry.”

Remy was quiet for a second before letting out a, “It’s okay” and unburying himself from Janus’ shirt. He still didn’t meet Janus’ face though. Instead, he stared at Janus’ shirt, tracing his fingers over the star-like patterns printed on it. 

“What did I see?” Janus asked after a while.

This time Remy looked at him. 

“You don’t remember?” Remy asked, almost scoffing. “You kept saying something about a hurt kid.”

“Oh.”

Janus closed his eyes, chasing his memories of the other night. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to catch up with them. They were always just out of his grasp. The game was mostly a blur. All he could really remember was dizziness and Remy’s hand gripping his own. 

“I don’t think I should go pregaming next weekend.”

Remy snorted. 

“Gee, ya think?” Remy shook his head. “I already sold my ticket for the game. Figured we could have a night in or something.”

Janus opened his eyes. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Their conversation was interrupted by the sudden rumble of his stomach and Remy chuckled as he wiggled out of Janus’ arms. 

“I’m gonna run to the gas station and get us some grub, okay?”

“You don’t have to. I have food.”

“Your fridge is disgusting. How old is that chicken?”

“What chicken?”

Remy playfully smacked Janus and crawled out of bed. He ran around the bedroom, throwing on his clothes as speedily as possible. After struggling with his shorts for a solid ten minutes, he gave up, deciding the gas station cashier wouldn’t care if he walked in wearing boxers. 

“See ya, babe!”

“See ya,” Janus echoed and when the door slammed shut, he curled up in the fetal position. He held his head in his hands, gripping his hair until his finger threatened to pull the thin strands out. “What’s happening to me?” he whimpered, hot tears filling his eyes. 

“Useless” the walls hissed and Janus grabbed his pillow, tossing it across the room. It knocked off the nearest wall and hit Janus’ bedside table, sending Remy’s forgotten wallet to the floor. 

Janus blinked at the wallet until realization hit. He scooped it up, shoving it in his pocket before hauling himself out of bed. “Guess I’ll bring it to him,” he muttered and he quickly searched for his own clothes. Unlike Remy, Janus managed to get his pants on without little issue and was outside his apartment in a matter of minutes. 

Janus stood at the end of the sidewalk, his eyes swooping back and forth over the dark road in front of him. There weren't many cars out tonight, just an ugly van. It was speeding down the road, going at a velocity Janus couldn’t really gauge right now with the alcohol and headache still clouding his brain. 

“What if you step out in front of it?” his thoughts whispered in his ear. 

Janus shivered, arms hugging around himself as he watched the van grow closer.

"Remy wouldn’t have to worry," his thoughts continued. "Maybe dad would come to see me?”

Janus swallowed hard as he tried to picture his own funeral. He saw the photo from his mom's funeral, the one before everything fell apart. He pictured his dad holding it as Janus had, wondering about life and if things could have been different.

"You can sleep," his thought whispered and w ithout thinking, Janus stepped into the road. He turned slowly, staring down the lights that were suddenly growing closer and brighter. A horn blared and Janus flinched as the sound shook the fog from his brain. 

“What am I do—” Janu's breath caught in his throat and he held up his hands, shielding his face when-

CRASH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Janus and cars just don’t mix. If you've read Fatherly Sides you know what I mean. Guy can’t catch a break. 
> 
> This chapter marks the end of Janus’s POV (for now). Now we’ll be moving on to everyone’s favorite cheerleader, Patton.


	6. I Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton’s life is full of uncertainty until he’s rescued by a knight in an ugly yellow dress hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: mentions of break-up, arguing, future uncertainty, mentions of depression, college drinking, pressuring to drink, abandonment (at a party), vomiting
> 
> Let me know if I forget anything!

In a small town in Florida, Patton sat on the front step of his parents’ house. He was dressed in a red cap and gown, a two-year college diploma sitting forgotten by his feet. He was hip to hip with Dice, his ex-boyfriend. Dice had already stripped off his graduation cap and gown. He was looking out across the yard, eyes hidden by tinted glasses and fingers twirling the ends of the scarf wrapped around his neck. 

It was hot out but they knew better than to go inside when Patton’s parents were home. They usually stuck to meeting at Dice’s home but Dice had been adamant that they just go to Patton’s after their ceremony.

It was weird. Dice had been weird. All week he had kept himself at a slight distance, a far-away look in his eyes. 

Patton tried to keep faith but he couldn’t help the way his stomach flipped every time Dice didn’t make eye contact with him. Even now, Dice wouldn’t look at him as they sat in silence. It made Patton’s stomach flop.

“So,” Patton sighed, breaking the silence. “Do you want to go to any graduation parties? There are…”

“I don’t feel like it,” Dice answered. He leaned back, crossing his legs as he looked up at the clouds above with a critical eye. 

Patton licked his lips and stared at his hands, not knowing what else to say. 

More silence bobbed between the two before Dice sighed. This time while looking at Patton.

“When are you moving?” he asked. 

Patton fiddled with the hem of his robe, not looking at Dice. He was afraid his ex-boyfriend would look away again. Or worse, stare through him with those tinted glasses. 

“End of the summer,” Patton answered, voice barely above a whisper. It conveyed the opposite of how he felt. He was going to Joan University. It was far away from home but it was small and homey, something that gave Patton comfort. It was Patton’s dream school for that and he was excited to walk its halls. But right now, he didn’t feel that excitement. Under Dice’s critical eye, he felt judged. 

“You?” Patton asked, directing the attention off of himself. 

Dice shrugged his shoulders. 

“I’m moving back to my hometown.”

Patton’s eyes widened. He finally looked up, his and Dice’s eyes meeting. 

“What? Why? I thought—“

“That I wanted to go into fashion?” Dice said for him. “I do, Pat, but why should I go all the way to New York for an expensive school I’m just gonna drop out of because my brain isn’t geared towards sitting in a classroom all day?” He let out a sad laugh. “It’s pointless.”

Patton bristled.

“You should never say something like that about something you care about,” he argued, earning a glare from his ex.

“Oh?” Dice leaned into Patton’s space. “And why shouldn’t I, Pat? It’s the truth. It’s how I fucking feel. I’m not like you, ya know? I can’t just cover up all the shit in my life with a big old happy smile.”

Patton flinched.

“What are you...”

Dice looked over his glasses. 

“Come on, Pat. I don’t want to go to college, you don’t want to go to college. It’s not that difficult to see. You are miserable in school.” 

“Am not.”

Dice’s shoulders slumped.

“Oh, Pat. I don’t know why you can’t be honest with yourself. Why you...you torture yourself.”

Patton leaned forward, anger spilling out of him now.

“I’m not. I...I want to go to school.”

Dice huffed.

“Well,  _ I  _ don’t. Sure, school could get me into fashion but I don’t want school. I want to move where my family is and take up my dad’s dress shop.” 

Dice paused and shook his head.

“Sorry. Making it about myself again.”

Patton rubbed the back of his neck. 

“No. It...It’s—”

It’s not fine, Pat.” Dice pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, just hear me out for a second. What do you want to do?”

Patton blinked.

“Do?”

“Yeah. What kind of future do you see for yourself? Like I said, I see fashion in my future, but what about you.”

“Umm...I don’t know. Maybe a family? I always wanted a big one with lots of kids.”

Dice nodded.

“Okay, but what else? Do you have a dream job?”

Patton opened his mouth before quickly shutting it again. He didn’t. When he looked at his future, he didn’t see anything other than himself and children in his future.

“Guess I...have to think about it some more,” Patton sighed.

“And you believe school is going to help you think?”

Patton’s face twisted. 

“What’s with you and school, Dice? I don’t know what I want to do but maybe college will open some doors, ya know?”

Dice shook his head.

“Pretty expensive door opener if you ask me.” He sighed. “I’m just worried about you, Pat.”

Patton opened his mouth, quieting as the front door flicked open. Patton and Dice faced the door as Patton’s mother peeked outside. 

“Hey, honey. Things okay—” Patton’s mother trailed off as she saw Dice, her lips curving downward. “Mr. Kritic,” she greeted, words tense. “I hope you’re not here to antagonize my son more than you have already?”

Patton pushed himself between his mother and Dice. 

“We’re okay, Mom. Promise.”

His mother raised a brow at him, unbelieving. 

Patton and Dice had gone through a nasty break-up. They managed to rebuild some of their friendship before graduation but the break-up itself had been especially hard. There had been days Patton didn’t leave his bed or even eat, scaring the life out of his mother. 

“I’ll never forgive him for doing that to you, baby,” Patton’s mother had said one night during dinner.

Even now, months later, Dice and Patton’s mother couldn’t be in the same space without the two breaking into a heated fight.

Dice plastered on a fake smile, though it looked more like a grimace. 

“Oh, I’m just wishing, Pat, a happy graduation day, Ma’am. I’ll be gone in a bit.”

Patton’s mother relaxed, nodding at her son before disappearing inside the house again, the door slamming a little too hard.

“Don’t suppose I’m ever gonna get back in her good graces, huh?.”

Patton raised a brow.

“My mother?” Patton laughed. “Oh, I don’t know. You always say how alike we are. She’ll forgive you.”

Dice laughed.

“No, if she was like you, she’d just bottle her negative feelings up for everyone else’s best interest.” 

“I don’t.”

“You’re lying to yourself again.” Dice threw his arms up. “You can’t keep going like this, Pat,” Dice said and Patton’s eyes watered as he heard the small break in his ex-boyfriend’s voice. “It’s not healthy.” He stood, walking down the steps. “I’m sorry, Pat. I...hope things work out for you….that you find that door you’re hoping for.”

Dice ran down the driveway, disappearing as he made his way down the sidewalk. 

Patton bent forward once Dice was gone, clutching his knees. He sobbed, angry tears burning down his face.

* * *

Months went by. Dice went back to his hometown and Patton went away to his “dream” college, leaving his parents and the life he knew behind. Now, in the northwest corner of Joan University Library, Patton explored a little cubby area. There, a table sat hidden in the shadows of three bookshelves, all of which were stuffed to the brim with psychology manuscripts and textbooks. 

Patton plucked a book from the shelf boxing him in on his right. He read the title and then the back. Intrigued, he opened it and began his descent into the writer’s work. 

“That book again? Really, Dee?”

Patton looked up, his eyes falling onto a familiar face. He recognized the guy from his psych classes. How couldn’t he? Eyes were always on this guy. He followed fashion trends, coming in daily looking like a model Patton had seen in newspapers. His smile too was just as bright even with his eyes hidden by the shades of his sunglasses. 

“Umm...Remy, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Remy looked around. “I thought you were someone else.”

“It’s okay.” Patton held out a hand. “I’m Patton. I think we have class together.”

Remy shook his hand.

“Oh don’t worry, Honey, I know you. Not every day we get a hot new cheerleader to ogle.”

Patton’s cheeks pinked, if there was one thing he’d never get used to, it was how open everyone on campus was about their sexuality. 

“O-oh.”

Remy waved at the chair next to Patton. 

“Ya mind?”

“Not at all.”

Remy plopped down, tossing his bag onto the table. He rolled his shoulders and tilted his head back, squinting at the ceiling past his shades.

“Long day?”

“Ha!” Remy tipped his head down. “More like a long month.” He drummed his fingers against the table. “Been kinda tough but that’s life, you know?” He smiled at Patton. “How about you? Figuring out campus alright?”

Patton nodded. 

“Everyone’s really nice here,” he said and it was the truth. He had been nervous when he transferred from his community college. He was so many states away from home yet there had yet to be a moment where he didn’t feel at home. 

“Good, good. We Vikings are a pretty close-knit family, you know?” Remy plucked the book Patton was holding from his hands. He flipped through it, a fond smile on his lips. “My best friend knows this thing by heart.”

“The one you mistook me for?”

“Yeah, that’s my Dee.” Remy raised a brow at him. “You meet him? He’s kinda short, green eyes, king of pessimism?”

Patton shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think so. Is he in any clubs? I joined the drama club a few days ago.”

Remy’s eyes lit up. 

“You bet. Deceit loves theater stuff. In another life, I swear he would’ve been an actor or something.”

“Weird, I don’t remember seeing him. I’ll ask Larry next meeting I guess.”

Remy frowned. 

“Weird. He’s not the kind of person people don’t notice.” 

“Oh?”

“He can be a theatrical ass sometimes,” Remy explained. “But he means well.” 

Patton frowned as Remy’s eyes became distant. He looked so...tired.

“Are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m fine.” Remy rubbed his eyes with the pads of his fingers. “Like I said, it’s been a long month. My BFF kinda had it rough and...well, I’ve been trying to keep things normal. It’s exhausting.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He’s my BFF. I’d bend the world for him.”

A moment of silence passed between the two of them and just as it began to get awkward, Remy waved his hands in the air as if he was shaking the awkward atmosphere away. 

“I better go. Got class.” Remy stood and shot Patton one last smile. “See ya later, Patman.”

* * *

Patton looked around his newest friend’s apartment. It was small but doable for two people. The kitchen was the largest room of the house but it looked like it hadn’t been used for anything more than reheating chicken nuggets. Empty bottles of wine and rum decorated the shelves of the living room in an odd trophy-like display. Posters scattered the empty space on the walls and Patton’s eye was instantly drawn to the ones that featured theatrical performances.

“Those are my roommate’s,” Mitchell, Patton’s new friend, said as he poured shots for everyone in the room. “Guy is SUCH a thespian.”

“Is he here?” 

“Yeah. Barely leaves nowadays. Don’t worry about it. He won’t bother us.”

Patton glanced nervously at the shut bedroom door nearby.

“Oh, but aren’t we bothering him?”

Mitchell waved a hand. 

“Don’t worry about it. Who cares about him?”

Lee, a freckle-faced med student and Mitchell’s best friend, walked out of the bathroom, reaching for the alcohol and downing three shots. 

“I don’t get why you live with each other when you guys can’t even stand to be around each other,” Lee slurred.

“Pft. It wasn’t all bad. He used to be cool but remember when Elliot and I were dating? Janus was the one who told them I was “too toxic”. Can you believe that? Bastard loves to poke his nose in other people’s business.” Mitchell sighed. “Unfortunately, our lease doesn’t end till the summer.”

“Man, that blows,” Lee said and he handed a shot to Patton. 

Patton held up his hands, declining. 

“Come on, man,” Lee urged. “Don’t be a girl.”

Patton glanced at Mitchell but he wasn’t paying attention, too focused on his own drink. 

Lee got into Patton’s face and Patton reluctantly downed the shot.

“Hey, Larry’s got a party at his and Pam’s place,” Mitchell said as he poured another round for everyone. “Should we go?”

Patton perked up at the mention of Larry’s. He and Larry had grown to be good friends since Patton joined the drama club.

“That sounds good to me!”

“You heard the man!” Lee yelled, drunkenly. “To Larry’s!” 

Mitchell, Lee, and Patton downed another drink and with wobbly legs, they marched out the front door.

Patton didn’t know why Mitchell had left him alone. They were friends. Yet, not even after spending ten minutes at Larry’s, Mitchell and Lee were gone. Patton’s mind was muddy with alcohol. Everywhere he looked, his vision was a blurry mess. Not that there was much to see. He was in the bathroom, his head pillowed against the toilet rim. A stranger’s hands were in his hair, holding back the curls of hair he had been growing out. Well, the stranger actually had a name, Deceit. 

“I think I met a friend of yours,” Patton said into the toilet bowl. He spat, glancing up momentarily to meet Deceit’s gaze. The other man was looking down at him, his lips quirked up in the corners in a faint smile.

“Remy?” Deceit asked.

Patton nodded, instantly dropping his head back into the toilet to puke some more. He knew he had a low tolerance from the times he and Dice snuck liqueur from Patton’s dad’s liquor cabinet but it had never been as bad as it was now.

“I’m never drinking vodka again,” Patton choked.

Deceit rubbed his back pausing as he noticed Patton’s shoulders shaking.

“Are you…” Deceit tipped his head. “Crying?”

Patton spat again into the toilet. 

“This sucks,” he whimpered.

Deceit continued to rub Patton’s back. 

“How about a distraction? I can...talk? Recite something? Sing?”

Patton muttered “anything” before puking his guts up again and Deceit shifted in place, hand still pressed against Patton’s back. He cleared his throat and the next words to leave his mouth were the lyrics to a song from Rent. 

Deceit’s voice echoed in the bathroom, silencing the sound of Queen from outside the door. He moved as he sang, getting more into it and the character singing it as he became lost in the music. After a while, Patton forgot about the pain in his stomach and back of his throat. He leaned against the toilet, eyes closed as he listened to the beautiful music.

“I think I’m done,” Patton croaked when his stomach started to settle. By then, Deceit had finished the song. 

Deceit helped Patton raise his head from the toilet. Patton staggered to his feet, gripping Deceit's hands with all he had. 

“You wanna sit for a bit?” Deceit asked.

Patton shook his head. All he wanted was to go home, delete Mitchell and Lee’s number, and sleep for the next month.

With slow steps, Deceit helped Patton out of the bathroom. They made their way across the house to Larry and Dot’s kitchen, finding Dot playing cards at the dining room table with a few of her friends.

Dot glanced up on hearing them shuffle into the kitchen, her eyes bulging as she caught sight of Patton. She dropped her cards, standing up and dragging her chair over to Patton.

“Oh crackers!” Dot cried and she helped Deceit ease Patton into the chair. “Dee! Patton! What’s happened?”

Deceit held onto Patton’s shoulder, keeping him from tipping off the chair. 

“His buddies left him,” Deceit hissed. “Pat here needs help home.”

Dot put her hands on her hips. 

“Damn that Lee and Mitchell,” she cussed. A few more swears fell from her mouth but Patton was too out of it to follow a word. His gaze slipped towards Deceit, finding the man was frowning down at him now.

“That’s who your friends are?” Deceit asked. 

Patton tipped his head.

“You know them?”

“Yeah,” Deceit huffed. “They’re pricks.”

Patton bobbed his head, wincing as a headache poked his skull. 

“I’m starting to see that,” he grumbled, wishing that he had seen so before. He knew that he should have known better. It was just...after Dice, he didn’t think he would find someone who made him feel happy. And then in waltzed Mitchell. Yet, just like Dice, he had walked away.

Dot took Patton’s hands. 

“You okay with me taking you home?” she asked him.

Patton looked up at Deceit. Deceit nodded at him, a small smile curling over his lips, gentle and soothing. Not feeling as worried as before, Patton looked down at Dot again, bobbing his head in answer to her question.

“Let’s get you home, Bud,” Dot said gently. She helped Patton up again, her eyes on Deceit. “Dee, Remy is singing in the living room. Go join him will you? Have some fun.”

Deceit rolled his eyes. Or, Patton thought he did. The alcohol and nausea were making everything spin.

“Will do,” Deceit reassured. “See you around, Patton.”

Patton smiled as he watched Deceit go, silently hoping he’d see his savior again. Maybe this time he could make a real friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Critic Thomas is named Dice in this and was Patton’s first bf. idk I saw people using Dice the most for him so I figured I’d go with that *shrugs*


	7. Couldn’t Be Closer If We Tried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton meets Deceit again and gets a look at real friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Suicide attempt, almost car crash, shock, depression, crying, mentions of child neglect, mentions of child abuse

Patton had been driving home late from cheerleading practice when he bumped into Deceit again. Well, “bumped into” wasn't quite the right word. One second, Deceit was standing on the sidewalk. The next, he was right in front of Patton’s van.

As quickly as he could, Patton swerved. His car lurched to the left, smashing into a trash bin with an audible CRASH. Panic spilling from his chest, Patton looked into his mirrors, finding Deceit still standing in the center of the road. He was looking at Patton, shaking hands clamped over his mouth. 

With wobbly knees, Patton stepped out of his car and hurried to Deceit’s side. 

“Deceit? What are you doing?” he asked. “I nearly hit you. If I hadn’t been paying attention—“

“I’m sorry.” Deceit’s words were clipped with fear. “I don’t...I don’t know what I was thinking. I just…” He gripped his hair. “I’m so tired.”

Patton took a step back, looking Deceit up and down. Deceit’s eyes were outlined by dark circles and his skin was a sickly grey. There was an awful smell clinging to him too, Patton realized, one that was almost similar to the stench of puke that engulfed them during their first meeting. 

“I need to get him somewhere safe,” Patton decided on the spot. 

He glanced at his van, deeming that it would be safe enough to leave it there for the moment. Cops didn’t patrol the area often so he wasn’t risking a ticket and towing. 

The cheerleader took Deceit's hands and eased them from his hair. Deceit fought him for a bit but his arms were too weak in Patton’s hold and easily fell. 

Patton rubbed Deceit’s cold and shaking hands. He didn’t know how long Deceit had been standing out on the sidewalk before Patton’s van came by, but it must have been long enough for the cold of the night to seep into the other man’s bones.

“Where do you live?” Patton asked while rubbing Deceit’s fingers back to life. “I’m gonna take you home, okay?” He tipped his head, trying to catch Deceit’s eyes. “Okay?”

Deceit wouldn’t look at him. He pointed instead at the apartment to their right, mumbling a soft, “there,” before dropping his hand again. 

Patton’s heart skipped a beat, eyes dragging cautiously over the apartment building. It was Mitchell’s.

Shaking his head, Patton rid himself of any thoughts of Mitchell and their failed friendship. They hadn’t spoken much since the party. Mitchell gave Patton some excuse about why he and Lee bolted and Patton, well he did what he always did. He smiled, accepted the excuse, and went about his day. Still, they talked less now, a rift growing between them. Patton doubted it would ever be fixed. Mitchell seemed okay with letting them drift. To him, Patton wasn’t worth keeping. 

“Let’s get you inside,” Patton said and he began to pull Deceit away from the road. Deceit followed obediently, eyes forward, distant. Patton doubted Deceit’s mind was focused on anything in the present.

The apartment, when Patton and Deceit entered, looked just like it had when Patton was there last. Same empty kitchen, same bottles of alcohol, and same posters. 

Deceit’s room was much different than the rest of the house. Posters of various jazz musicians covered his walls which were painted muted colors that reminded Patton of a forest in the fall. The floor was a mess but everything else looked orderly and in-place. It was a place well lived in.

Once Deceit was settled on the bed, Patton stood in front of him, arms crossed. A silence built between the two as Patton attempted to wrap his brain around how he wanted to proceed.

“What happened out there?” Patton asked, ripping off the bandaid.

Deceit stared forward, providing no answer. 

Anyone else may be irritated but not Patton. He sighed, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall to his sides.

“Listen, either you talk to me or I’m calling you in.”

Deceit's eyes snapped up. 

_ That _ got his attention. 

“Don’t mess around do you?”

“Not when it comes to suicide,” Patton said. 

“I didn’t want to do it! I...I just…” Deceit curled up into himself. “Oh, God. What was I thinking? I just...my body moved on its own.”

Patton knelt down beside Deceit and took his hands. The cheerleader’s mouth was still drawn in a thin line but some warmth had entered his eyes now. 

“Talk to me.”

Deceit hesitated for a split second, sighing and meeting Patton’s gaze.

“I don’t want to die. I just...I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

Patton squeezed Deceit’s hands.

“Feel like what?” he asked.

Again, Deceit was quiet.

“Please, Deceit. Talk to me.”

Deceit pulled his hands from Patton’s, wrapping them around himself again.

“My mom died.”

Patton’s mouth fell. He thought of his own mother back in Florida. He couldn’t imagine how much pain Deceit was going through.

“Oh. Oh god, I’m so sorry.”

Deceit shook his head.

“Don’t be. We...we haven’t had a good relationship since I was a kid.” His nails dug into his bare arms. “I got into an argument with my dad recently and...I don’t know...I just can’t shake what he said to me. I feel so...so numb. I don’t care about school or drama club or partying with Remy. I...I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t want to die. I just want this to stop. I want it to STOP.”

Patton pushed off the floor and pulled Deceit into his arms. He rocked back and forth, trying to get Deceit to calm down. Deceit only cried harder, stiff under Patton’s touch.

The sound of a door opening and closing caught Patton’s attention. He thought it was Mitchell at first but then he heard Remy’s voice.

“Dee? I forgot my wallet—“

Remy opened the door to Deceit’s bedroom. His eyes fell on Patton first, wide and confused. His eyes shifted to Deceit next, having heard his soft sniffles as he cried. 

“Dee?” 

Remy dropped to his knees in front of his best friend. Patton let go of Deceit, letting Remy take his place. Deceit instantly clung to his friend, his crying growing harder as he buried his face into Remy’s neck. 

“Patton, what are you doing here? Dee, babe, what’s wrong? What’s wrong?”

“I’msorryi’msorryi’msorry!”

“Hey, hey, shhh. You’re okay. I’m here.”

Patton watched them, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as he watched the way the pads of Remy’s fingers rubbed circles into Janus’s skin or how Janus melted against his best friend. Patton slowly stood, hoping to stealthily sneak out but Remy shot him a glare. 

“No way. You sit.”

So Patton sat.

It was an hour until Deceit calmed down. He passed out in Remy’s arms from exhaustion, his face sticky with tears, and flushed red. Well, he wasn’t completely unconscious. He blipped in and out, as if he were afraid to fully succumb to the land of dreams that awaited him. 

Remy nudged Patton with his foot. 

“What happened?” he asked.

Patton ran a hand through his hair as he remembered screeching tires. 

“He stepped in front of my car.”

Remy stared, unblinking.

“He...he did what?” Remy looked down at where Deceit was curled in his lap. “Oh...oh my god.”

Patton reaches out, taking Remy’s hand. “I don’t think he meant to. He...I don’t think he’s been sleeping. The way he moved...it was like he was in a daze.”

“He still did it,” Remy snapped and he yanked his hand from Patton, pinching the bridge of his nose. “God, what am I going to do?”

Patton glanced between Remy and Deceit. 

“Do you...know why this happened?”

Remy bothered his lip, looking torn. He patted Deceit’s shoulder, rousing the man enough to get his attention.

“You want to tell him?” Remy asked. 

A head shake was his answer, slow and stiff. Deceit curled in on himself, hiding his face from Patton’s gaze against Remy’s stomach. 

“Tired,” Deceit muttered.

Remy sighed.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Patton spoke up. “He barely knows me and...well, he already said his mom died recently and that he got in a fight with his dad.” 

Remy nodded.

“Yeah, thanks for understanding.” He stroked his fingers through Deceit’s hair. “As for his parents….I won’t say anything but...those two...they really made Dee feel like he couldn’t rely on anyone you know? He mistrusted everybody, wouldn’t let anyone near his heart.”

Patton smiled. 

“Except for you?”

Remy paused and then laughed.

“Ah. Well, that took time.” Remy sighed. “Anyway, with his mom dying and his dad saying what he said...it brought back some old wounds from when he was a kid. At least, that’s my theory. Not sure how much those psychology classes are paying off.”

“Sounds on point to me,” Deceit mumbles tiredly. “I…” He unburied his face from Remy’s stomach. “If I was better—“

“Hey now stop that,” Remy scolded, fire in his eyes. “Family is about the group, not the individual.”

Patton cleared his throat. 

“I know I can’t really comment on your life, Deceit, but Remy is right. This doesn’t sound like it was just you.”

Deceit bothered his lip but nodded.

“Okay,” he whispered and Patton smiled.

Remy tapped the point of Deceit’s nose. 

“What do you want to do, Dee?”

“Sleep right now,” he hummed. “And...talk more tomorrow.” He looked between Remy and Patton. “You’ll stay?”

Remy smiled.

“Of course. Already cleared my schedule.” He glanced at Patton. “And you?”

“Same here.”

What else could he say? Despite barely knowing him, Deceit had asked Patton to stay. Unlike Dice and Mitchell, Deceit wanted Patton there.

Relief bloomed in Deceit’s eyes before he let them fall shut. In minutes, he succumbed to the exhaustion of the day and snored softly onto Remy’s lap.

Patton chuckled as he watched Deceit sleep while Remy sighed.

“Guess I’ll get him to eat tomorrow,” Remy hummed. “At least maybe he’ll get some sleep.” 

Patton yawned, feeling tired himself.

Remy looked up at Patton. 

“You can hit the couch first,” he offered. “I’ll keep an eye on him.

Patton’s shoulders hunched. 

“Well, um...what if Mitchell shows up?”

Remy pursed his lips.

“Ah, so you’ve met the dickwad.” He glanced around before nodding at the closet. “Dee has a spare pillow and blanket in there. You can make a nest in here if you’re more comfortable with that.”

Patton’s shoulders relaxed and he gave Remy a nod before going to the closet. He grabbed himself a pillow and blanket, tossing it on the floor and making himself a nest. Remy was sprawled out beside Deceit now, humming something to the other man while brushing his fingers through Deceit’s hair. 

Patton watched them quietly, a tinge of jealousy brewing in his gut. He thought of Dice. How even when they were only friends, they were never as close or as comfortable around each other as Deceit and Remy were to each other now. 

Patton closed his eyes, a stray tear falling down his cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not dead. Was just focused on finishing another fic (Fatherly Sides).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit makes a decision and Remy and Patton help him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Dropping out (of college), Uncertainty for the future, jealousy, anxiety

When the night turned into day, Patton woke up to the smell of waffles and bacon. He crawled out of his nest and into the kitchen, finding Remy stacking waffles onto a plate while Deceit stuffed his face with bacon at the kitchen table. They smiled at Patton when he walked in, Deceit shoving the plate of bacon over as Patton sat beside him. 

“Morning,” both Remy and Deceit greeted at once. 

Remy placed the waffles on the table and Deceit stabbed four for himself while Patton grabbed two. They ate in silence and Patton slowly forgot the reason they were all here. That is until Remy asked the dreaded question of “what now?”. 

Patton nearly choked on his waffle, thinking it was too soon to think of those kinds of questions but nevertheless, Deceit seemed ready to answer. He sipped his coffee, gaze tired despite the full night of sleep he managed to get in.

“My grades have tanked and I’ve been ignoring emails from the school board. I’m going to need to drop out.”

Those last two words terrified Patton but Deceit looked so relieved. The man smiled into his coffee, admitting that he didn’t think law was the way to go anymore, that he loved it but it wasn’t quite right, a feeling Patton has had with every major he has looked into. 

Remy popped a piece of bacon into his mouth.

“Whatever you think is best,” he said through a mouthful of food. “Doesn’t hurt to take a break. You and I know that better than anyone.”

Remy tossed a piece of bacon, Deceit catching it, nearly falling out of his chair in the process. Deceit cast Remy a soft glare, Remy answering back by sticking his tongue out and casting Deceit a wink.

Patton quietly munched on his waffle while they interacted, marveling at how easy they were together. The other night had been so unsettling and heavy. This morning too, Deceit had made a decision that couldn’t have been easy for him. Yet, here they were, eating breakfast and teasing each other like it was just another day. A small sprout of jealousy began to grow deep within Patton’s stomach. He longed for this kind of love and trust but no matter how hard he has tried in the past, he has never been able to reach this level of friendship.

Deceit bumped Patton with his shoulder. 

“Thanks for...what you did for me last night. Not a lot of people would’ve stuck around like that.”

Patton smiled.

“That’s what friends do, right?”

He waited for a response, swallowing down the bubbles of anxiety building in his throat. Deceit effectively popped the bubbles with a smile and small nod. The tension in Patton’s body receded and he took another bite of his waffle. The sprout of jealousy in his belly started to shrivel up again, killed as a wash of hope rushed over Patton’s heart. 

* * *

In the weeks that followed, Patton helped Deceit as much as he could handle. They sat in the library together, Remy bringing them steaming cups of coffee. While there, they all pitched in on emailing Deceit’s professors to let them know of Deceit’s choice. Deceit had wanted to do it himself but after writing the first email, he had quickly become drained, looking like a zombie behind the computer. Once the emails were sent, Patton and Remy acted at Deceit’s support as he called his academic advisor and announced his plans to drop out. His advisor attempted to advise him against it but Deceit held firm, explaining that law was something that did not fit his future and that his current mental health was affecting his schooling. Eventually, his advisor accepted his choice and walked Deceit through his next moves. When all that was done, Deceit contacted his landlord about breaking his lease. That was actually the easiest part of the week, Deceit’s landlord asking him to find a renter to replace himself. A quick phone call to Mitchell later and Lee was taking Deceit’s place at the apartment. 

Deceit moved out a week after, Remy and Patton helping him pack up the U-Haul while Mitchell helped Lee move his things in. 

Now, a full month later, Patton sat in the school's library, staring down at the letter in front of him with a sappy smile. Unlike Deceit and Remy, Patton didn’t own a phone. He thought he’d lose contact with Deceit because of it but Deceit still took the time to send him letters written on the backs of weathered postcards. 

_ Pat, _

_ Glad to hear drama is doing well. I’ll have to come down for the next performance. Out of everything...I guess I miss that the most. Well, my friends too. I love my new home but damn is it far from the rest of you.  _

_ Speaking of, would you want to come hang out sometime? Get off of campus and all that? We never really got to hang out with everything going on, you know? Sure these letters are fine but it’s not like talking to a person face to face. Let me know. _

_ -Dee _

Patton clutched the letter to his chest, something bubbly in his chest. He felt different talking to Deceit than he did with Dice or Mitchell. Deceit listened, never once filling the conversations with topics on himself or jabbing Patton for his decisions. Deceit felt real, like he cared. Patton loved that about him. 

As Patton gushed, Remy walked into the library with a skip in his step. He was happier, lighter, than the first time he and Patton met in the library, the weight of life finally not as heavy on his shoulders.

Remy scanned the library before spotting Patton and walking over, unknown to Patton. Patton was too far in his own head, not even noticing when Remy came to stand beside him. 

Remy took in the faraway look in Patton’s eye and the way his fingers clutched at the letter. 

“Ohhh? Is that a love letter I see?”

Remy plucked the letter from Patton’s hands and scanned it before Patton could react. 

“What? No—“

A snort left Remy’s mouth and he handed the letter back, a knowing smirk playing on his lips.

“Aww, now that’s cute.” Remy sat down at the table beside Patton. “Glad he’s finally making a move.”

“A...a move?” Patton couldn’t help the way his cheeks flared up as he said the words. 

Remy laughed. 

“Well, you’re clearly friend material. Can’t believe he hasn’t tried to make it official yet.”

“O...oh,” Patton stammered, rubbing his neck. “It’s okay. I mean...a lot happened, you know?” He looked down at the letter, a fond smile on his lips. “But I’m glad he wants to hang out. I...um...kind of wanted to be his friend since Larry’s party.”

Remy raised a brow, lips quirking slightly. 

“Party? The one where Dee held your hair up for you in the bathroom?” he asked. “During my beautiful rendition of Bicycle?” 

Patton tipped his head. 

“Is that what that noise was?”

Remy cackled, slapping Patton on the back and nearly tipping off of his chair. Patton joined him, laughing until the librarian came over to shush them. 

“I’m glad you and I’ve become friends too by the way,” Remy said as he started to pull his textbooks from his backpack, stacks of Psychology. “You’re a good guy, Patman.”

Patton gave Remy a hopeful look and Remy raised a brow.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

Patton opened his mouth but shut it again. He sighed, mind wandering to old memories of himself and Dice. 

Remy snapped his fingers in front of Patton’s face. 

“Hey, now. You alright?”

Patton blinked and rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry.”

“Where’d you go, man?”

Patton chewed his lip, glancing at Remy in the corner of his eyes, nervous. 

“Do you...do you think a liar can be a good person?”

Remy snorted. 

“My best friend goes by Deceit and I know he’s a good person.” Remy leaned to the side, nudging Patton with his shoulder. “Lying doesn’t make you a bad person, Pat.”

Patton chewed on his lip some more, not knowing if he believed that claim or not. Lying hurt people. It hurt him and it hurt Dice. According to Dice, it was still hurting Patton and, well, Patton wondered if maybe that was true. 

“Do you want to talk about lying?” Remy asked. He tapped his textbook. “There’s a whole section of that stuff in here.”

Patton winced and shook his head. 

“Not really.” He met Remy’s gaze. “Not yet at least. I...think I need to figure some stuff out.”

Remy nodded and flipped open a textbook.

“Well, whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

Remy looked down at his book then and Patton’s eyes teared up. He swiped the tears away and grabbed a pen and paper, ready to write Deceit back. 

* * *

In his apartment, Patton flipped absently through an old book, one he had borrowed from Dice and forgot to give back. His mind was reeling, conscience whispering to him about the major he had yet to declare.

“What are you going to do?” His conscience mocked. “Teaching? You’re not responsible enough. Psychology? You’re not smart enough. Theater? Like that will get you anywhere. Face it. There’s nothing. Nothing!”

Patton threw his book across the room as his thoughts started to sound more and more like Dice. 

“You’re wasting your time!” it kept yelling. 

Patton pinched his brow. 

“There has to be something,” he argued back. He stood up, walking into the kitchen, hoping some baking would cool him off. 

Patton’s mind wandered as he got started on making a batch of cookies. A daydream, one he got quite often, settled into place at the forefront of Patton’s thoughts. He envisioned himself where he was now but in an actual house. Four kids ran around his feet, begging for a taste of cookie dough. In the doorway of the kitchen leaned his husband. When Patton was a kid, his celebrity crushes stood in as his husband. In high school, it was Dice. Now, his husband was faceless. 

A frustrated huff left Patton’s lips and he shook his head until the daydream broke away, his children and faceless husband vanishing to the back of his mind. 

“Why can’t I daydream about something useful,” Patton huffed, angrily popping a chunk of cookie dough into his mouth. “Like being a lawyer or something.” He laughed, eyes tearing up from the force of the cackle. “Yeah, right. I’d be a terrible lawyer.”

Patton spooned half the cookie dough onto a cookie sheet, popping them into the oven. He took the other half and a spoon to his couch, deciding to eat away his anxiety and plug his brain into some good day-time television. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I’m with you, Patton. Sometimes I question if I should’ve just taken a break like Deceit does here. But then I remember that I probably would have entered school again during this pandemic and that thought alone is terrifying. Gotta roll that dice and just keep your fingers crossed that the universe doesn’t interfere.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy and Patton go to visit Janus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: mentions of depression, mentions of juvie, mentions of stealing, mentions of ADHD being reduced to a disciplinary issue, mentions of child neglect, and abuse. (This is a happy chapter I swear)

Remy pulled the car up to a small country house surrounded by trees. The house was a warm brown with a large deck covered in plants of all shapes and sizes. Cats hung lazily on the railings and Patton was glad he had taken his allergy medication before coming over. 

“Well, this is the place. My grandma’s house.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?” Remy hummed. “Helps that grandma has an extra hand now with Dee living here.” 

Remy stepped towards the house and cupped his hands over his mouth. 

“Deeeeee! We’re here!!!”

Deceit popped the front door open, an apron around his hips and flour splashed into his hair. 

“Well, look what the cats dragged in.” Deceit quirked a finger. “Come on. Grandma and I are making cookies.”

The inside of the house was just as warm as the outside. Yellow lights turned the walls a soft bronze and cactuses hung in hanging pots from the ceiling. The smell of baked goods filled the air and Patton could see a pie sitting in one of the windows and three cookie jars scattered across the kitchen counter. 

“Heaven?” Patton blurted suddenly and both Deceit and Remy laughed. 

Blushing, Patton kept his eyes roaming until he spotted Remy’s grandmother, a woman with pink she/her pronoun earrings and a yellow floral pantsuit. Her long grey hair was pulled up in a high bun and her glasses were resting on the very tip of her nose. 

“Well, now,” she said walking over to Remy, arms open for a hug. “There’s my second favorite grandson.”

“Second?” Remy pouted as he hugged his grandmother. “When did I get demoted?”

His grandma pulled back pointing at Deceit. 

“He puts the toilet seat down when he’s here,” she teased. 

Remy’s face turned ruby red.

“Grandma!”

She shrugged. 

“It’s true, Hon.” Her gaze zeroed in on Patton. “Oh, you must be Patton.”

Patton smiles shyly. 

“Nice to meet you Mrs—“

“Oh, you can just call me Grandma. No need for that Mrs crap.” She yanked Patton into a hug then and Patton gasped, not expecting her grip to be as tight as it was. Clearly years of gardening had given her some muscle. 

When Grandma let go she nodded at Deceit. 

“You give Rem your apron and go on the deck with Patton, Dear. Me and my grandson need to make some cookies.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Deceit agreed and he tossed his apron. 

Remy caught it and hurried over to the bowl of cookie dough that now held his grandmother’s attention. 

“Ah ha,” he said as he started to scoop out the dough. “Now’s my chance to claim the first favorite again!”

Grandma rolled her eyes and waved at Deceit and Patton to go. Deceit placed his hand on Patton’s shoulder, steering him outside and onto the deck. They sat down at the shaded table on the deck. 

Alone and free of distractions, Patton could finally get a good look at Deceit. His friend was beaming, color back in his cheeks and eyes. His shoulders were lighter, posture straight but loose. He looked comfortable, happy. 

“You look good,” Patton pointed out.

Deceit’s smile grew. 

“I feel good,” he said. “It was rough in the beginning but...uhh...Grandma knows the right things to say. She always has.”

“She seems like a great woman.”

“Oh, she is. When Remy and I met in juvie…” Deceit trailed off. “Oh, uh...sorry. That’s...umm...I guess that’s some hard stuff to throw at someone you just met.”

Patton stared, eyes wide as he tried to process everything as quickly as possible. He hadn’t expected to be opened up to so quickly but he also didn’t expect to learn that both Remy and Deceit had been arrested. 

“Umm...no it’s fine. As long as you're okay sharing it? Why’d you guys get arrested?”

Deceit chuckled, relaxing. 

“I stole a loaf of bread and Remy spray-painted penises on the front doors of our school,” Deceit explained. 

“As expected of him,” Patton teased. He tipped his head to the side, softening his eyes. “Bread?”

Deceit shrugged. 

“Well, I wasn’t gonna steal something too expensive. I just wanted some lunch for school.”

Patton sat up a bit, remembering that he still only knew small pieces to Deceit’s family situation. He knew things weren’t good but the fact that Deceit had to steal for food made his heart hurt.

“Anyway, Grandma bailed us both out after realizing we had become friends. She let me stay with them too. I guess she adopted me in a way.” Deceit smiled. “She knew how to handle me, my ADHD. If I started acting out, she’d pull me into the kitchen to bake or the garden.”

“She found outlets.”

“Right.” Deceit shrugged a shoulder. “She’s like the...the mom I used to have.” His eyes saddened a bit. “And I love her for that.” 

He met Patton’s gaze and Patton smiled.

“I’m glad you have someone like that. I...don’t know much about ADHD but I’m here to listen,” Patton said, his fingers lightly covering Deceit’s own. 

“Thanks, Pat. That…” Deceit swallowed hard, eyes slightly wet. “That means a lot.” 

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, watching the honey bees as they pollinated the bleeding hearts leading up to the steps. They were the fattest bees Patton had ever seen and when he pointed that out, Deceit patted his own chest, boasting about how it must be because of his and Grandma’s expert gardening skills. 

Patton shoved Deceit teasingly and stood up, running down the steps. He spun on his heel so he faced Deceit, hands behind his back. 

“Is there a trail we can walk on in the woods?”

Deceit pushed himself onto his feet with a nod and linked his fingers with Patton’s as he dragged him down a dirt path behind Grandma’s house.

The path was a winding one, the kind that made you think you were traveling in circles. There were wildflowers surrounding the trail where fat toads slept in the cool earth in the shade below the flowers. 

Patton tipped his head back, staring at the cracks of sunlight peeking through the canopy. 

Deceit nudged him with his shoulder.

“Country person?” he asked.

Patton lowered his head, shaking it. 

“No. I lived in the city with my parents. The only time I really got to do something like this was when we went to visit my mom’s friends.” 

He thought back to those times. His mom’s friend’s house wasn’t surrounded by woods like Grandma’s was. A long dirt trail had led through a cornfield and into a small woods.

Patton looked to Deceit.

“So what are you?” he asked. “Country boy or city boy?”

Deceit hummed as he mulled over the question, kicking a rock absently down the path.

“I don’t know, actually?”

Patton frowned. 

“What?”

“Well…” Deceit kicked the rock a little harder, sending it flying off the trail and into the forest. “My family moved around a bit before we settled in this area. So...I guess I’m probably both?”

Patton made a small circle with his mouth, not really knowing how to respond. 

“Your parents moved for work?” he guessed.

Deceit nodded. There was some irritation in his eyes but it wasn’t directed towards Patton. Or at least, he hoped it wasn’t.

“Military family,” Deceit explained. “Dad was a recruiter and other things I don’t really remember.” He chuckled, the sound lacking humor. “Real boring stuff.”

Patton stared at his shoes.

“Huh,” he said, not really knowing how to respond or if he should. 

Deceit watched him in the corner of his eye, one brow raised. When Patton still didn’t say anything, he rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his own shoes.

“I’m sure you’re curious…” Deceit began. “About...well, my family drama? Most people are.”

Patton shook his head, paused, and then nodded.

“I mean...of course I am,” he said, still staring at his shoes. “I’m curious about you in general. I met you at a party never thinking I’d see you again and then low and behold, I see you again but it's because you walked in front of my van for reasons that seem to be related to your family.” He tossed his hands in the air. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to know just what the heck is going on.”

Deceit bobbed his head and Patton finally dragged his eyes away from his shoes so that he could look at him. He waited for Deceit to meet his gaze. He let their gaze linger for a moment before speaking again. Saying, “But I don’t want to know if you’re not ready to tell me yet.”

Deceit blinked, surprised by Patton’s answer. Frankly, that scared Patton. Just how many times was Deceit pressured into telling people his life story? Patton couldn’t even imagine the strain that would’ve put on his shoulders or the relationships Deceit was trying to build. 

Patton watched quietly as Deceit looked away again. This time, he didn’t look at his feet. He stared forward, following the path that was about to carry them into some thick brush. A small smile was curling over his lips, sad but also happy in some strange way. 

“I think I am ready,” Deceit admitted. “You’re...calming. If that makes sense?” Deceit’s eyes followed a chickadee as it bobbed on a thin branch just ahead of them. “I’d like to tell you.” He glanced at Patton in the corner of his eye. “If you’re ready to hear it?”

Patton smiled gently. 

“Always.”

They walked a little longer before Deceit began the story. They were completely surrounded by tall mounds of brush now, creating a dark atmosphere.

Deceit was fine at home but would act out at school. He’d “throw tantrums” mostly. That’s what his teachers and his dad apparently liked to call them. They didn’t know what was happening, that Deceit had ADHD. Even when he was finally diagnosed by doctors, it seemed like everyone around him just saw it as a behavioral problem that a little discipline would fix. Deceit’s Mom had suggested that his ADHD was because they moved around so much and it was too stressful. 

“We permanently moved to some small town,” Deceit sighed. “My...dad left for work a lot though and was never home. He didn’t call home often and when he did it was to yell at me for misbehaving. Mom wasn't home either. She...well, she was out getting other people's attention. Thought it would get my dad's I guess. ”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It's in the past now.” Deceit bit his lip. “Or, it was. I was doing good once I got out of that house, even better when I left for college.”

“It will get better again,” Patton reassured. “You’re strong, Deceit. You seem so much happier now. I’m sure that will continue.”

Silence drifted between the two of them. They watched as the brush thinned out and revealed the wildflowers again. The trail apparently looped back to the house and in a few strides, they were back on the deck. 

They sat down on the step again, Deceit pointing out the birds and naming every flower with ease. 

“So you planted all of these?” Patton asked.

Deceit beamed. 

“Cool, right? If you ever need help starting a garden, I’m your man.”

Patton laughed. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

He reached out, gently touching the petals of a lilly. 

“How’ve you been?”

Patton startled at the question, though he shouldn’t have. Deceit wasn’t the kind of person to go on and on about himself without asking the other party about how they were. It was something Dice had never been good at, before and after they started dating. 

“Good,” Patton lied. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. He was doing well. He just...questioned his life is all. Who didn’t do that? Besides, Deceit didn’t need to worry about him. The poor guy had enough to worry about. 

“You squint your eyes when you lie,” Deceit said suddenly and Patton stared at him, mouth hanging open.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s hard to notice,” Deceit said and he tapped at the corners of his own eyes. “It kind of looks like when you smile really hard and the lines around your eyes pinch together. When you lie though...I don’t know...it’s just…” Deceit tipped his head to the side, his eyes glued to the lines around Patton’s eyes. “Different.”

Patton looked down at his lap, quiet.

Deceit scooted closer.

“Hey, forget what I said. It’s none of my business. You’re not ready to talk about it.”

Patton picked at the fabric of his pants. 

“But you…”

“Spilled my life's tale because I trusted you since you’ve proved to be a decent dude that’s willing to be my friend and just not someone to suck me dry for gossip material.”

Patton arched a brow. 

“That...sounds like a story.”

“Oh, it's a looong one,” Deceit said. “But one for another day I think.”

Patton hummed in agreement and nudged Deceit’s shoulder. 

“Thanks for inviting me over,” he said. “I’m...uh...glad we could...you know, be friends.”

“Me too,” Deceit agreed. He tipped his head up then, closing his eyes and he sniffed the air. “Smell that?”

Patton mimicked him, mouth-watering as he realized the smell was fresh baked cookies. He opened his eyes again and opened his mouth to ask if they should head inside. Deceit was way ahead of him though, grasping Patton’s hand and helping him to his feet. He dragged Patton towards the front door and a blush scattered across Patton’s cheeks as he realized how warm it made him feel to have Deceit’s hand in his. He had only felt that kind of warmth once before, the time when he first realized he had feelings for Dice.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Mentions of Depression

Patton had never touched a motorcycle let alone road one. His mother was terrified of the things, calling them deathtraps on wheels and a few other colorful nicknames. His uncle had offered to take him for a ride once but it had never happened, Patton’s mother putting her foot down on the idea and rubbing it into the dirt. Patton wondered what she’d think of him if she could see him at Remy’s grandmother’s house, Deceit strapping him into a helmet. 

A month had passed since Deceit opened up to Patton in the woods. Since then, Patton visited every weekend, got baking lessons from Grandma, and Deceit had received his motorcycle license with some encouragement from Grandma and Remy. He was raring you hit the road, to feel the wind in his hair. He could’ve gone anytime but he had waited for Patton to come over, wanting to share the moment with his new friend.

It was an honor Patton never expected to experience. After all, Remy already had a motorcycle, Patton had seen him ride it around school once in a while when his car was in the shop or gas prices were high. Deceit and Remy were both motorcycle nerds and had a friendship Patton couldn’t even dream of competing with. Yet, here Patton was, helmet on his head while Remy and his grandma were out in the woods mushroom hunting.

Deceit put on his own helmet. It was all black except for the yellow trim. 

“Ready?”

Patton glanced at the motorcycle behind Deceit. It was an older model, one Grandma had used back when her eyesight was better than it currently was. Remy had helped Deceit clean it up and give it a proper check-up. It was safe enough, but that wasn’t what made Patton hesitate. 

Deceit had taken Patton’s hand in his, squeezing it in a way that made Patton feel like he was actually holding Patton’s heart. His touch was warm, too warm. It sent pink running up Patton’s neck all the way to the tips of his ears. If it wasn’t for the helmet and hoodie he was wearing, Deceit would get a full look at Patton turning into a tomato.

“You don’t have to,” Deceit reassured, noticing the hesitation. “We can always take the car.”

Patton continued to stare at their clasped hands, the blush coloring his cheeks now. This was it, the reason for his hesitancy. He wasn’t worried about the motorcycle. No matter what he did, Patton couldn’t stop thinking about how Deceit’s back would be pressed against his chest for the entirety of the ride. The thought alone made butterflies come to life in the pit of his stomach, beating their wings against his stomach lining.

Deceit’s hand moved to Patton’s forehead. 

“Woah there. You’re looking a little green there, Pat.” Concern bloomed in his eyes. “I didn’t know you were scared of motorbikes? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Patton’s knees wobbled, his blush going full alarm red at the touch to his face.

“It’s not that,” Patton weekly reassured. 

Deceit didn’t believe him. Not that Patton could blame him. He probably looked like hell right now. Deceit pulled the helmets off his and Patton’s heads, setting them to the side. He took Patton’s hand then, dragging him into the house. 

Patton sat on the kitchen counter as Deceit ran around. Deceit grabbed a kettle and some tea, plucking a few fresh leaves of mint from the tiny garden in the kitchen window. The lines around Deceit’s nose crinkled as he became focused on the tea, tongue poking out from the left corner of his mouth. 

Patton’s heart warmed as Deceit handed him a warm cup of mint tea once it had finished steeping. Each sip was soothing to his stomach but the butterflies only grew more excited in Patton’s belly, flapping hard as they attempted to escape and press butterfly kisses to Deciet’s face.

“Oh man I’ve got it bad,” Patton thought to himself, wanting nothing more than to flop into his bed and roll around on the pillows and blankets. 

He had done it a few times since discovering his attraction to Deceit. Sometimes he’d just roll around and other times he would scream into his pillow. This was all new to him. Sure he had been romantically attracted to Dice but that had only happened after years of friendship and trust. Dice had suggested he may be demiromantic but Patton’s sudden feelings for Deceit made him question things about himself. Demiromantics do not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with somebody. Was that kind of connection something someone could form in under a year? Patton didn’t think it was possible and yet, here was Deceit, making him question it all. 

Finishing off his tea, Patton slid off the counter and walked over to where Deceit was washing the kettle he had used to make Patton’s tea. He was humming under his breath. It was a familiar song, the same one he had sang for Patton in Larry and Dot’s bathroom. 

“Hey, Dee?” Patton called, grabbing the fabric of Deceit’s shirt and tugging lightly.

Deceit turned off the faucet and wiped off his hands. When he turned around, there was a worried spark in his eye and he held up his hands like he was ready to support Patton if his legs began to weaken again. 

Patton let out a deep breath and looked Deceit in the eye. 

“Would you...like to go on a date?”

Deceit blinked, silent, mouth hanging slightly ajar. 

“D...date?” he stammered. 

Patton tugged on Deceit’s shirt again. 

“I...I know we’ve only known each other for a month but...I really like you, Dee.”

He held his breath, waiting patiently for Deceit’s answer, heart skipping a beat as Deceit turned fully around, warmth in his eyes and smile. 

“I like you too, Pat.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “To be honest…I thought I might have scared away any chance I had with you.”

Patton frowned. 

“What? Why?”

Deceit waved at himself. 

“You’re not turned off by my…?” he trailed off, struggling to continue. He didn’t need to though, Patton knew what he was trying to say.

“Deceit,” Patton began, voice soft. He stepped closer to Deceit, to the point where he could see yellow flakes in the irises of Deceit's eyes. “I’m not going to condemn you for being depressed. What you feel is valid.” Patton lowered his head. “Not to mention...I’d be a hypocrite.”

Deceit’s fingers laced with Patton’s and Patton looked up, meeting Deceit’s soft gaze. 

“Your feelings are valid too,” he reassured. “Whatever you want to share. I’m here to listen.”

Patton nodded at the front door. 

“Well, for one, I’m not really scared of motorcycles,” he revealed. “Just uh...kinda short-circuited when you touched me.”

Deceit blinked at him, a snort bursting past his lips.

“Dee! It’s not funny!”

“You’re right. It’s adorable.”

Patton dropped his face into his hands, body heating up again as Deceit wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. The lightest of kisses was pressed to his hair and once again, Patton felt like a bowl of Jell-O. 

“Sooo...I take it you’ll go out with me?” Patton asked after a beat. 

“Absolutely.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was gonna prolong this but I guess I’m too impatient for slow burn romance *shrugs*


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy and his grandma have a talk while Patton and Janice are outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: mentions of homophobia, mentions of transphobia, bigotry, cancer, destruction of property
> 
> (If any of these things trigger you, please ask for a summary in the comments section and I will get one to you ASAP)

Remy had a mask. It was a strong one, the kind that even tripped up the people closest to him when he really didn’t want them to know how he was feeling. The past month or so, Remy’s mask had been on almost 24/7. It had to be. Deceit needed someone to smile in his direction every day, Remy knew that just by looking at him. The poor guy was depressed, barely holding on no matter how hard he tried to make Remy think otherwise. 

It was only now, at Remy’s grandma’s house that his mask was finally starting to fall away from his face. Deceit was doing better. He was smiling more, genuine this time. There was some color back in his cheeks too and the dark circles from what had to be several sleepless nights had finally faded away. Remy was happy for his best friend but also scared. There was nothing pushing him to keep Remy’s own emotions bottled up and now, he was spilling over. 

On the counter of Grandma’s kitchen, Remy was staring into his reflection in the oven. His tears were drying on his cheeks and despite feeling like an overstuffed turkey, he was still shoveling chocolate chip cookies into his mouth. 

Patton and Deceit were out on a little joy ride on the country granite roads, meaning it was a perfect time for Remy to let loose the waterworks and eat his body weight in sweets. With Grandma’s help, of course. She was standing beside him, cookie jar in one hand while the other rubbed circles into Remy’s back. 

“You okay now, hon?”

Remy shrugged, swallowing the softball-size wad of cookie currently in his mouth. 

“For now.” He tugged on Grandma’s shirt until she wrapped her arms around him. “Thanks, Grandma.”

“Don’t thank me, honey. I’m part of the reason you feel like this.” Grandma sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you about the cancer. Not with all this stuff with Dee going on. ”

Remy shook his head. 

“No, I’m glad you did. I’m glad both you and Deceit let me in. I’m just sad that there’s nothing I can do.”

“And guilty?”

Remy nodded.

“I tried so hard to help Dee, Grandma, but he didn’t really get better till he came here. And with you...there’s nothing I can do for you.” He deflated, eyeing the cookie jar again. “I’m useless.”

“Rem, honey, when it comes to Dee, this kind of thing isn’t something you’re just naturally good at. You have to keep trying, attempt new things, and make mistakes. You don’t remember it as well but I made mistakes while taking care of you boys. I just learned to do better for when the next time came.” She sighed. “As for my situation, you have been helping me. You’re my driving force to kick this damn cancer to the next dimension.”

Remy nodded. 

“Thanks.” He wiped his eyes. “It would’ve been easier if Dee would have known too but...it’s not my place to tell him and...I understand why you didn’t.”

Grandma nodded. 

“The boy’s been around death enough. I’ll tell him but when I’ve got some good news.”

Remy paled.

“Does that mean treatment isn’t going well?”

Grandma pushed herself up onto the counter so she was sitting beside Remy, shoulder to shoulder. She set the cookie jar down next to her, nabbing one of the last chocolate chips. 

“Well,” she hummed around a mouthful of cookie. “They caught it early so the tumor will be more likely to react to treatments.”

Remy’s nose scrunched.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Grandma huffed, glaring down at her cookie.

“I think I’m going to need to spend some time looking for a better doctor. One that actually respects me as a trans woman.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can’t even begin to tell you the shit my last doctor said to me.”

Remy nudged her with his shoulder.

“I’ve got some spray cans in the garage. We can have a little family outing and decorate the good doctor’s house?” 

Grandma clapped her hands together, face splitting into a grin. 

“Now that’s an idea!” 

Grandma took a moment to finish off her cookie, Remy silently watching her in the reflection of the oven. 

“In all seriousness, I will be writing a complaint. Wanna help me with it?”

“Absolutely.” Remy clapped her on the shoulder. “I’ll do you one better and help you find a new doctor too.”

Grandma kissed Remy’s forehead. 

“What would I do without you?” she sighed.

Remy puffed up his chest and Grandma laughed at him, ruffling his hair with her calloused hands. She eased herself off the counter then and started rummaging around the kitchen, muttering about dinner time as she brainstormed on what to make. Remy suggested chili, hopping off the counter to help her find the right ingredients. 

Just as they began to boil a pot of noodles, the sound of a motorcycle roared to life. Remy’s hair stood on end on hearing the familiar noise and he peaked out the kitchen window, a smile splitting his face as he watched Patton and Dee roll down the driveway and into the garage, back from their little trip down the road. The smile drained though as a new thought came to mind. 

“When are you going to tell, Dee?”

Grandma nearly dropped the can of beans she was opening. She glanced at Remy and then the garage, a faraway look in her eye. 

“Didn’t want him to lose focus on himself but…” Grandma chook her head. “I suppose I should soon. I’ll need you kids to help me out a bit more once I start treatment. Since you’re still in school, Deceit will be my constant support.”

“I could skip this semester?”

Grandma shook her head.

“No need,” she reassured. “Dee and I will do just fine. It might be a good experience for him too. Maybe being a caregiver is his calling.”

Remy chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe.” 

He watched as Deceit and Patton walked up the steps. They were smiling, laughing. 

“He’s going to be mad at himself for not figuring it out. For not seeing how...how upset I’ve been.”

Grandma finally popped open the can of beans. 

“Well, then you both are even, right?”

Remy hummed, knowing better than anyone that Deceit wasn’t going to see it that way. The idiot was always too quick to feel guilty for things out of his control. Something Remy easily related with. That’s probably why things would be so much better once Deceit was in the know. It was easier to figure this kind of thing out together. It always has been.

~Several years earlier~

Remy sat outside the school doors, flashlight in hand as he stared at the masterpiece in front of him. He had stacks of spray paint piled in front of him, all colors of the rainbow. It had taken a few months for him to get enough money to buy it all, not to mention he couldn’t buy them all at once without the local general store growing suspicious. Though, the fact that they still sold spray paint to Remy despite the shit he’s pulled in the past was still a mystery to him. Or maybe it wasn’t. Money did a good job of keeping people's mouths shut after all. 

The sound of feet crunching fallen leaves caught Remy’s attention. He flashed his flashlight at the person walking towards him, effectively blinding Deceit and sending him tripping over his feet. 

“Oops.”

Deceit groaned as he pushed himself up and walked over to the pile of spray cans. 

“Fucking rude,” he swore. 

“Sorry, Babe. Forgot I have this baby on full blast.”

Remy shut off the flashlight, plunging them into darkness. He and deceit stayed still for a moment, letting their eyes adjust before they carefully picked up the cans of paint and carried them to the football field.

The plan was a simple one. By the end of the night, thanks to both Remy and Deceit’s mastery of art, they would have a giant picture of the school mascot painted in the center of the football field dressed in full rainbow. 

The idea had come to Remy in a dream after a particularly nasty day at school. Some girl in his and Deceit class (Harley? Haley, maybe?) had come into homeroom with her makeup smudged from crying. Some asshat had covered her locker in cutouts from a porn magazine, all depicting women in various positions as they serviced other women. 

It was old news that her parents were lesbians but in a small town where straight was the norm, their relationship made their daughter a prime target for bullying. 

After class, Deceit and Remy had made a beeline for the principles’ office to explain to him what had happened to the girl’s locker. The principle was no help of course, as usual. He said he’d look into it but only after making a comment that the girl needed to toughen up if she wanted to survive in the “real” world, whatever that meant. Maybe it was him who needed to start living in the “real” world. Being gay or on the spectrum wasn’t a phase, a generational thing, or whatever the heck he thought it was. It was a part of the real world and always would be. 

Long story short, Remy and Deceit had felt guilty for not being able to help the girl more. Those feelings bubbled into a dream and that dream, with Deceit’s help, had turned into a full proof plan to get back at a school that didn’t care.

“They’re going to call us petty,” Deceit said while shaking a can.

Remy shrugged a shoulder.

“I am. So what?”

Deceit chuckled. 

“Guess if you’re gonna be petty you gotta go extreme with it, huh?”

“Heck yeah, Babe. Mark my words, they're gonna still be thinking about this heist when we’ve graduated and are at our class reunion.”

Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” He tossed a spray can at Remy. “Get painting, Picasso.” 

Remy got started on the outline, making sure to capture the likeness of the school mascot perfectly. Once that was done, he and Deceit started filling in the outline with all the colors of the rainbow. 

“Thanks for agreeing to do this with me.”

Deceit let out a breathy laugh. It was getting cold and he was shivering beneath his thin fall jacket. 

“Like I’d let you do this on your own.” he met Remy’s gaze. “It’s always easier together, right?”

Remy gave him a toothy smile.

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh? A Remy POV chapter?? *throws confetti* I don’t know why it took me so long to write in his POV I love him so much but can’t write him to save my life unless there’s a full moon or something I stg. @FatherlySidesReaders, you guys remember Harley? Cuz here she is.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a fan of this chapter but I don't know how to fix it and I just want to move on. I'll probably clean it up later when my writers block isn't kicking me.
> 
> Chapter Warning: Mentions of cancer and depression.

It took a few days but Remy managed to help his grandma find a doctor. She was going to be starting treatment by the end of the month and so it was time to let Deceit in on the big secret. They had written out what they wanted to say and practiced those same words in front of mirrors or each other. Despite the constant practice and talking it out with each other, they were nervous. So nervous that they had whipped up a large dinner together, hoping the family meal might make things a little easier. 

“I don’t want him feeling like he’s not family just because we didn’t tell him,” Grandma had told Remy while at the stove. 

Now, hours later, Remy sat at the kitchen table between Patton and Deceit, his grandma sitting across from them. They were feasting away on homemade chicken soup, the smell of pie wafting from the oven as one cooked while they ate. 

Though Remy and Grandma had tried to be stealthy while preparing to break the news to Deceit, both of them had a sneaking suspicion that he knew they were going to drop something on him today. He was tense, constantly watching Remy and Grandma out of the corner of his eye. This was partly why Remy was thankful that Deceit had invited Patton over. Whenever Deceit seemed about ready to snap from the tension, Patton touched him, melting him like butter. It was amazing to see how far their relationship had come. They went from strangers to friends so easily. Well, easy probably wasn’t the right word for it. To Remy, they were like two pieces of a puzzle. Once they found each other, they just fit. 

Grandma wiped her mouth with a napkin, setting it down carefully at her side. She glanced in Remy’s direction. Remy gave her a thumbs up under the table, mentally praying for the talk that was about to go down.

“Dee?”

Deceit’s eyes widened, slowly scanning up to meet Grandma’s gaze.

“Can I talk to you about something, honey?”

Patton looked between her and Deceit carefully, mouthing at Remy to ask if he should step out for a minute. Remy shook his head. Maybe Patton would be able to use his melting abilities on Deceit again if things got too heavy. 

Patton nodded and looked back at Grandma with Deceit. As he did, Grandma cleared her throat before finally spilling everything; the appointments, her crappy doctor, her new doctor, and the treatment she was going to have soon. Deceit listened quietly, not making a single sound. His mouth was set in a thin line and there was a slight tremble to his fingers. By the time Grandma was finished, there was a wet sheen in Deceit’s eyes. He looked between Grandma, Remy, and then down at his hands. He did this a few times, Remy becoming tenser each time. He wanted Deceit to do something, say something. Anything would be better than this uneasy silence. 

Looking away from his hands, Deceit looked to Grandma again. A small curve ruined the straight line of his mouth as he forced a smile. 

“I’ll help out in any way you need,” Deceit promised Grandma. “I…I get why you didn’t tell me.” His hands were trembling again and Remy felt the urge to reach out and hold them. “Thanks for...for looking out for me.”

Grandma stood up, walking around the table to give Deceit a hug. She didn’t grab him right away though. Instead, she stood by his side, arms open as she waited for Deceit to fall against her. Deceit didn’t hesitate, hiding his face into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry it took so long to tell you, honey,” Grandma whispered, hand in Deceit’s thin hair. “It’s going to be okay. I’m gonna kick this thing's ass.”

Deceit half laughed, half sobbed into the fabric of her sweater, his back shaking as he cried. 

Remy felt his own tears well up and a hand suddenly pressed against his shoulder. Patton was there, arms open and waiting for a hug too, a hug that Remy thankfully accepted. 

Later that night, bellies stuffed with pie, Remy, Patton, and Deceit sat out on the deck, staring up at the starlit sky. Remy had pulled his grandma’s old telescope out from the basement and was currently trying to adjust it so they could clearly see the moon and whatever planets that were in view. 

“I’m sorry for not being there for you through this,” Deceit said into his knees. He had pulled his legs up against his chest while watching Remy, arms wrapped loosely around his knees. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes, the wetness quickly returning right after. “I...can’t imagine how hard it was dealing with my stuff and Grandma’s.”

Remy stopped fiddling with the telescope and swayed to the side so he was closer to Deceit. He poked his friend, mischief covering up the slight worry in his eyes.

“If you want to make it up to me you’ll go for a motorcycle ride with me tomorrow,” Remy purred. “I could go for some wind in my hair, you get me?”

Patton gave him a look but Remy ignored it. He knew what he was doing. Or, at least, he hoped he did. He knew Janus wasn’t going to accept whatever Remy said. A simple “It’s fine” or “Don’t worry about it” wasn’t going to work in this case. A lighthearted offer, however, had some potential.

To Remy’s relief, an amused chuckle rattled past Deceit’s lips on hearing his friend’s request. A smile, a real one, finally pinched the corners of Deceit’s mouth and Remy mentally gave himself a pat on the back.

“Yeah.” Deceit hummed. “It’s a deal.”

Remy punched his fist into the air. Just the thought of the hum of his bike and the whip of the wind made him relax further into the wood of the deck. A good ride was definitely what he needed. Janus needed it too.

“Rem?”

Remy tipped his head towards his best friend, seeing that wetness in his eyes again.

“Thanks,” Deceit whispered.

Remy opened his arms wide, his fingers wiggling as he beckoned Deceit closer. His friend laughed at him but scooted closer. They hugged, Remy ignoring the damp spot growing on the sleeve of his shirt where Deceit’s face was buried. 

Eventually, Remy managed to get the telescope ready. The fireflies had come out at this point, making it a little more difficult to tell what was a star and what was a too high flying bug. They kept flying into the telescope lens, adding an extra star to the big dipper or blocking the red light of mars.

“Hey, Remy?” Patton called suddenly. He was sitting near the door to the house now while Deceit took his turn at the telescope. The cheerleader was watching a firefly crawl across his fingers as it settled down for a quick rest. 

Remy hummed in acknowledgment, looking away from the constellation of Virgo Deceit had just found. 

Patton sucked in his bottom lip, looking like an odd mixture of anxious and excited. 

“There’s something we wanted to tell you,” Patton began, glancing in Deceit’s direction and waiting for Deceit to leave the telescope to join the conversation. 

Remy raised a brow at his two friends. 

“Okaaay,” he said slowly. “You got my attention.”

Deceit stood up and walked over to Patton. He sat down, threading his fingers with Patton’s and pulling the cheerleader’s hand into his lap. 

Remy brows pinched together as he stared at their intertwined hands. He watched the way Patton rubbed his thumb against Deceit’s skin and, all at once, Remy’s mouth dropped as realization struck him like a frying pan.

“Oh! Oh my god! Are you two a thing? Did you confess?”

“Spilled our hearts to each other in that very kitchen,” Deceit said while pointing back at the house. “It was after I got my license.”

Remy squealed, diving into Patton and Deceit. He nearly tipped them both over, like a bowling ball to pins. 

“Oh my god, Dee! With the cheerleader? That’s my baby boy! You too, Patton. You’re a lucky man. Oh my god, Grandma is going to flip! She...”

Deceit nudged Patton as Remy chattered.

“I told you he’d be excited.”

“Excited? I’m thrilled! Have you gone on a date yet?”

Remy got off of his friends, giving them some room to breathe.

“A few motorcycle rides and walks in the woods but…” Deceit blushed. “Um, we were kind of thinking about going out to dinner? If you’d...help?”

Remy clapped his hands over his heart in a dramatic flare.

“YES!” he cried. “You two will look gorgeous. I swear. And the restaurant?” Remy kissed his fingers. “To die for.”

Patton and Deceit laughed, the uneasiness that had still been lingering in the air mostly draining away now. It brought some relief to Remy’s heart and he hoped it had the same effect on his grandma as she watched them from the kitchen window. Of all the ways today could have ended, this one had to be the best.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night at Joan's Pancake House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: mentions of lying as a coping mechanism, negative nicknames used for coping (check the author’s note at the end for the disclaimer on this please).

Janus stood outside Joan’s Pancake House. It was a favorite of his. Remy’s grandma would take him there whenever he was feeling down. She’d buy mint chocolate shakes and a plate of fries for dipping. He always forgot about whatever made him upset by the fourth scoop, too busy laughing as he and Grandma made faces of disgust over the odd mix of flavors. 

Today, he wasn’t there with Grandma. Nor, was he there because he was upset. He was waiting in the doorway, rocking on his feet as he waited patiently for his date. 

The hum of a motorcycle caught Janus’ attention and he grinned as he watched Remy help Patton off the back of the bike they had pulled up on. 

Patton was dazzling. His long strands of curly hair were pulled back with blue pins. He had a pair of clip-on earrings too that gave a soft glint to his eyes. 

“Jeez, Dee. Put a ring on his finger already, you love-sick puppy,” Remy cackled from his bike. 

Janus took Patton’s hands in his once his date reached his side, ignoring the blush on his cheeks. 

“Hey,” he breathed.

Patton chuckled.

“Hey,” he said back and his eyes flicked to the pancake house’s front door. “You ready?”

Janus squeezed Patton’s hands. 

“To hang out with you?” He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Patton’s forehead. “Always.”

The pancake house was mostly empty, allowing Janus and Patton to have plenty of seating choices to pick from. They found a booth in the corner that looked out at the woods near the diner. A few deer were peeking through the wood’s brush and nibbling on some nearby clover, giving them a perfect view of the local wildlife, one of Patton's favorite things about the little college town.

Janus and Patton watched the deer until their waiter came over with some water and a notepad in their pocket. Their waiter, unsurprisingly, was Remy. 

Patton blinked up at Remy in surprise. 

“Wait...how?”

“Grandma knows the owner and he owes her one. Asked if he’d let me play waiter for you guys,” Remy explained while handing out the menus. “Can I get you two anything?”

Patton shook his head while Janus’ eyes skimmed over to the jukebox sitting in the corner. Remy got the hint, wandering over to the jukebox and picking a song. 

The song Janus had sung to Patton in the bathroom the night they first met started playing. Remy and Janus shared a thumbs up while Patton buried his blushing face in his hands. 

“Ugh...that was so embarrassing.”

“The embarrassing stories are the cutest though,” Janus chuckled, giving Patton his full attention again.  “Sooo...any plays popping up at school I should be aware of?” he asked. 

Patton clapped his hands together. 

“Oh my gosh! Yes! Drama club is doing this amazing set of plays written by a student from the creative writing club.” A dreamy look drifted into Patton’s eyes. “I get to play a ghost!”

“Oh? I’ll have to buy a ticket.”

Patton beamed and pat the top of the table. 

“Oh, Larry said to tell you there’s going to be a community musical. Anyone can audition. Even non-students.”

Janus placed a hand over his chest. 

“Oh, thank god. I’ve missed acting.”

“I bet.” Patton leaned forward on the table. “Q&A time, mister. What’s your favorite play and/or musical?”

Janus dramatically through his hands in the air. 

“How could you make me choose?”

They went back and forth with questions and answers as they waited for Remy to return. Their faces were becoming redder from laughter. Janus’s cheeks hurt too from smiling and Patton reached across the table to pinch them as Janus complained. 

Remy interrupted their laughter as he came to take their orders. They both ordered the sweetest sounding pancakes on the menu, and Janus ordered a banana split for them to share.

“Sure, Jan,” Remy said, casting a wink at Janus as he wrote down the banana split and wandered to the back.

Patton raised a brow.

“Jan?”

“Quote from the Brady Bunch,” Janus explained. “And my name.”

Patton’s eyes widened with curiosity.

“Oh? Your name is Jan?”

“Janus actually. Mom was really into Roman mythology and all that.”

Patton leaned back in his seat, brow pinched into a slight frown.

“What?” Janus asked.

Patton shook his head. 

“Sorry. I just realized I never bothered to ask your name. I mean...I knew Deceit was a nickname but...I don’t know. Just never really came to mind.”

Janus chuckled. 

“Well, to be fair, we’ve been busy thinking about more pressing things lately.”

“True,” Patton agreed. “Can I ask why you introduce yourself as Deceit instead of Janus?”

Janus’ sighed and looked down at his hands.

“I don’t really know how to explain it,” he admitted. “You remember when I told you I used to tell lies a lot to cope with some challenges? That my parents...umm... parents didn’t understand that?” Janus drummed his fingers on the table as Patton nodded. “Well, kids at school would call me a liar too. I couldn't escape it. At some point, deceit kind of became a part of how I viewed myself. I didn’t feel like me anymore, like Janus. I wasn't that happy kid my mom used to sing to or my dad used to carry on his shoulders. I was someone else. I was—”

“Deceit,” Patton finished for him.

Janus nodded. It felt...better to be called that after a while. Whenever someone calls me Janus...I don’t know, I feel like I’m dirtying the name, that I’m not good enough to be that happy kid again.”

Patton’s eyes saddened and Janus clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Shoot sorry. I’m ruining our date. We don’t have to talk about this stuff—“

“I want to,” Patton interrupted. He reached out across the table, offering his hand for Janus to take. “I...I love you, Dee. I want to be able to talk about the hard stuff with you. To be trusted with things that upset and hurt you.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?”

“No,” Patton reassured. “I think everything about you makes you who you are. I would be here if I didn't love all of you.”

Janus took Patton’s hand, pulling it up so it cradled his cheeks. 

“God, what did I do to deserve you?”

Patton chuckled.

“Held my hair for me while I puked my guts out,” he answered. 

Janus laughed too, the uncomfortable look in his eye that had appeared on the topic of his name quickly draining away. 

Patton tipped his head to the side. 

“So it hurts you when you or someone else uses your name?” he asked, just to be clear 

Janus nodded. 

“I see.” Patton tapped his chin in thought with his free hand. “Have you talked with anybody about this?”

“You mean therapy? Nah. I’m just..kind of going off of my own ideas.” Janus sighed. “Actually, I was kind of thinking about just going by Deceit completely.”

Patton blinked. 

“Like not use your name at all?”

“For legal stuff I will but I’ll have the people in my life call me Deceit only.”

Patton hummed as he thought Janus’s words over.

Janus’s drumming stopped. 

“Do you think...I could do that?” he asked, watching Patton nervously.

Patton looked Janus over before forcing a smile. 

“I don’t see why not,” he said while rubbing his thumb gently against Janus’s cheek. “Like, I can see why you think it might help. It might act as a reminder too to work on the parts of yourself you don’t like.” Patton sighed as he stared into Janus’ eyes, serious. “I just...worry that it won’t actually fix the problem. That it will just...attempt to cover up the trauma.”

Janus hummed. “I hear you,” he said. “I think it would still be worth it to try though. I don’t really feel comfortable talking to a therapist about this and...well, I don’t know what else to do.”

Patton bobbed his head. “Okay,” he said. “Just...promise me if it ends up being more harm than good you’ll put an end to it, okay?”

“Okay.” A small smile pulled on the corners of Janus’ lips. “From now on, I go by Deceit.”

Patton moved his hand, offering it for a handshake. 

“Nice to meet you, Deceit.”

Deceit shook Patton’s hand. 

“Thanks, Pat.”

Just in time, Remy came over with their food. They dived in, laughing as they fed each other spoonfuls of the fluffiest pancakes they have ever eaten. When they finished their food, Remy returned with a banana split, handing over a single spoon for them to share. 

“You realize there’s going to be a billion banana split jokes in our future, right?” Deceit asked before Patton fed him a spoonful of ice cream and banana. 

“I’ll live,” Patton said. “This is too yummy to pass on just because of dumb jokes.”

“Agreed,” Deceit said and he took the spoon, feeding Patton next. 

Food eaten, Patton and Deceit split the check, said their goodbyes to Remy, and ran giggling to Deceit’s bike. They rolled down granite roads to a small community park. It was mostly empty, a few people out walking their dogs or doing yoga in the shade of some nearby trees. The benches were all free though and the two took advantage of that while they could. They sat down at a bench that overlooked a small pond, cuddling against each other as the cool air blew through their hair. A few ducks waddled around their feet and Patton had to use all his strength to keep himself from scooping one up and cuddling it. 

“I really had fun today,” Patton hummed as he watched the ducks wander into the water.

"Even with my drama?"

"Even with that," Patton reassured. "I love being with you, with drama or not."

“Me too.” Deceit said and he giggled as Patton kissed his chin. “I take it you’ll go on another date with me?”

Patton pulled a ticket out from his coat, waving it in front of Deceit’s eyes. It was a ticket to the same play Patton had been talking about performing in. 

“Take me out after my amazing performance?”

Deceit hugged Patton as he took the ticket. 

“Absolutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ: Negative nicknames are hurtful and I would never recommend using one on yourself or another person. Patton kind of suggests the idea that by using the nickname “Deceit” more often, Janus is calling attention to his lying and using it as a reminder to himself to self analyze and adjust so that he can grow to be the person he wants to be. This method is typically used a different way tho. For example, the nickname Late Jake makes Jake aware that he’s late for work or whatever too often. It pushes Jake to adjust so he’s no longer late and given the nickname. Janus isn’t doing this. He is actually making “Deceit” his identity which can be potentially harmful to his mental health. Janus has trauma due to how people treated him in his childhood. He believes everyone was happier when he was five and that the change was his fault. To him, he's undeserving of using the name Janus and therefore being the happy kid he once was. 
> 
> Janus does get better with dealing with what he’s struggling with but contrary to what he and Patton may believe, the reason isn’t because of the nickname. The real hero is support from found family. So please please please PLEASE do not do what Janus is doing here. This moment is meant to show how misinformation caused him to go by the nickname of Deceit until the events of Fatherly Sides. On that note: Janus’ insecurities with his name will not be resolved in this story. If you want to see him grow to be more comfortable with his name, check out chapter 41 of Fatherly Sides. 
> 
> If any of this is confusing or if I'm not writing it well, do not hesitate to let me know in the comments and I will fix this chapter and others <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus gets a job and Grandma is proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: mentions of cancer.

Lizzy had always wanted to be a grandmother. The idea had come to her when she was young, only six years old. There was no one in the world she looked up to more than her own grandma. Most of the kids in her classes at school wanted to be like their parents but not Lizzy. Grandma could cook and bake anything in the world, grow the most beautiful gardens, and had the ability to put a smile on Lizzy’s face no matter how sad she was. Lizzy’s grandma was a superhero. Of course, Lizzy wanted to be just as super too. 

Lizzy’s time came when her third daughter had Remy. He was an excitable child, always looking at the world with wonder in his eyes. Lizzy loved him at first sight and when the time came where she had to take care of him full-time, she did so without a bat of the eye. She taught Remy all the things her own grandma taught her; baking, cooking, and gardening. She taught him astrology too, something she had fallen in love with after moving from the blinding city to the countryside years ago. 

A few years later, she gained another grandchild. This one didn’t carry her blood but that didn’t matter. She loved him nonetheless. His name was Janus but he preferred to be called Deceit. Just like Remy, Lizzy taught Deceit how to bake, cook, garden, and pick out her favorite constellations from the sky. He was shy and hesitant to speak his mind sometimes. That shyness and hesitancy disappeared over time and Lizzy met the real Deceit, the same one that had drawn the attention of her Remy. He argued, laughed, joked, and yelled like any other growing teenager. He seemed at ease with Remy and Lizzy by his side, a fact that melted her heart even years later.

It was six months after Lizzy told Janus and Patton about her cancer. She was sitting in her living room now, mesmerized by how much had happened in just a few months. Her treatments had begun and though she was often tired, she was optimistic about her treatments. Her doctor was great, easy to talk to, and considerate of her feelings. Remy was feeling less pressure in regards to taking care of her now that he had his friends' support. Deceit was doing well too. His nightmares were almost non-existent and he wore a smile on his face more often. It wasn’t the fake one this time either. He was genuinely happy. Everything was looking up for once. Especially when Deceit got a very special call one bright and sunny morning.

“Grandma!”

Deceit cried as he ran in from the kitchen, partially tangled in the phone cord. Lizzy was sitting in her chair, eyes on the TV. She looked up on hearing Deceit’s cry and her mouth dropped as she saw the impossibly huge smile on Deceit’s face. 

“What hap—“

“I got a job!” Deceit cheered. He was practically buzzing with excitement. “That toy company I applied to? I’ll be interning with them!”

Lizzy stood, wrapping her arms around Deceit in a tight hug. 

“Honey, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

“It gets better!” Deceit practically squealed. “If I do well enough, there’s a possibility they might send me to school for a business degree. It’s part of some program they do.”

Lizzy kissed Deceit’s cheek. 

“You’re quite the lucky kid, aren’t you?” she chuckled, pulling out of the hug and holding Deceit at arm's length. “You better call Remy and Patton. They’ll be thrilled.”

Deceit nodded and ran off to the kitchen to make the calls. Lizzy watched him, a fond smile on her lips. 

“That boy,” she sighed and she sat down in her chair again. 

She scanned the walls of her living room, gaze halting on the picture of her and her boys. They were crowded together on the living room floor in the picture, the boys holding up their Christmas presents from Lizzy. It was the first Christmas Deceit had spent with her and Remy. He felt like he was intruding at first but then Lizzy had handed him the present she had picked out for him. It had taken him a solid five minutes to open the package because of how slow and careful he had pulled back the paper. His fingers had trembled too, making the paper rattle.

Lizzy closed her eyes as she tried to make the picture of the scene in her memory more clear. Even now, she could remember the way Deceit had held his present to his chest when he finally freed it from the paper. The gift was precious to him but the moment itself was too. Lizzy couldn’t remember having a better Christmas. 

“Oh how far he’s come,” she sighed. 

The sound of Deceit squealing excitedly into the phone in the other room made Lizzy laugh. She cracked her eyes open again and stood up, wandering into the kitchen. 

Deceit was sitting on the kitchen counter, throwing his hands out as he talked animatedly on the phone with both Remy and Patton. There were tears in his eyes due to how happy he was and Lizzy felt her heart squeeze at the sight. It was moments like these where she had the chance to see her grandbabies so unabashedly happy when she felt truly blessed to be a part of their lives. This one still didn't beat the Christmas memory but it definitely sat high up on her mental list. 

Lizzy sat down beside Deceit on the counter and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. She hugged him close as he jabbered on the phone. When he glanced at her in the corner of his eye, Lizzy dropped a kiss to his cheek. He dropped his head onto his shoulder then, happy and comfortable with her by his side. 

A smirk curved over Lizzy’s face and she stared through the wall as she became lost in her thoughts. She had been worried when her doctor had told her she was sick. She had been afraid she wouldn’t have enough strength in her to fight through the treatments. Now, things had changed. Cancer had nothing on the power of her grandbabies' smiles. They were the fuel that kept Lizzy running. She’d kick her cancer in the teeth for her kids, and join them for many more Christmas’ and job accomplishments. She would get more moments too like this one with Deceit. That was a promise, one she refused to break. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grandma finally has a name! Whoop! Hope you enjoyed a chapter with her POV. Not sure if I'll do another one but we'll see


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus' first day interning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: None!

Deceit waited for the elevator, wearing a yellow dress shirt tucked into a pair of black pants. He was fiddling with the cuffs of his shirt. To say he was a ball of nerves was an understatement. Today was the day he started his internship for a toy company. It was his first job and he had no idea what to expect. 

The elevator opened and Deceit went in. The door closed as he pushed the button to close the elevator and Deceit went back to fiddling with his cuffs.

“Are you the other new intern?”

Deceit tipped his head to the side, meeting the bright smile of a man a few years younger than him. He was tall, reaching at least four inches above Deceit’s own head. He had hair even longer than Patton’s but kept it tied back. 

Deceit held out his hand. 

“That’s me,” he said, mirroring the stranger’s smile. “I’m Deceit but you can call me Dee.”

The stranger shook Deceit’s hand. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Bill Drill.” He chuckled to himself. “Well, technically my moms named me Billy but the rhyme always makes people laugh sooo…” he shrugged. “Sorry, I’m blabbering.”

Deceit shook his head. 

“No. No. You’re good. Blabber away.”

Bill didn’t have to be told twice. For the rest of the elevator ride, he talked about anything that came to mind. He acted as though he and Deceit had known each other their entire lives, creating an atmosphere that helped calm Deceit’s nerves. 

“You planning to stay here after the internship or do you have other plans?” Bill asked. “I want to work at reception.”

“Reception?”

“I like handling phone calls,” Bill explained. “Plus I get to talk to everyone who comes in. What’s not to like?”

Deceit shivered. 

“I can think of a few things.”

Bill barked a laugh. 

“You an introvert then?”

Deceit tapped his chin. 

“Kinda,” he answered. “I don’t know. I feel like talking to so many people would drain the heck out of me.”

“That’s fair.”

The elevator opened before Deceit could actually think of an answer to Bill’s question. As the doors slid open, Bill and Deceit were welcomed by Santa. Well, he wasn’t really Santa. The man had a thick white beard, red nose, pudgy belly— the whole shebang. Even his smile was just as bright and cheery as the Santa’s Deceit used to see on TV. 

“You two must be Janus and Bill?”

Deceit shook the man’s hand. 

“I’d prefer Deceit for the moment if that’s alright?”

Santa pat Deceit’s shoulder after shaking his hand. 

“Of course it’s alright,” he reassured and then he shook Bill’s hand. “My name’s Steve and I’ll be showing you two around today.”

Steve led them down a hallway, taking a left and stepping into the main office of the division Bill and Deceit would be working at starting today. 

The office was very open compared to the ones Deceit always saw on TV. Cubicals didn’t box the workers in. Instead, there were just several long tables hosting large computers. It was hot because of the computers, even with the windows cracked open a fraction. Several workers typed, chatted, or rushed around with stacks of papers. Only a few bothered to look up at them, too busy with their own work to worry about new faces in the building at the moment. 

“As interns here you will be responsible for assisting the staff with general office duties such as research, data entry, filing, and general coordination.” Steve cupped a hand over his mouth. “I’m sure someone will make you fetch a coffee or something too but trust me when I say that’s more fun than filing.” 

Steve led them to a set of tables. 

“This will be your space. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me.”

Deceit and Bill took a moment to set their coats down at the table. They followed Steve throughout the rest office, asking questions and meeting other workers. 

Once the tour was done, they returned to their tables and got started on the pile of work sent their way. They learned rather quickly that Steve was right about filing but at the end of the day, Deceit felt more refreshed than bored. 

“Well?” Bill hummed as they walked to the elevator together at the end of the day. “How was your first day?”

Deceit cast Bill a wide grin. 

“A pretty good start,” he answered and he clapped Bill on the shoulder, “I look forward to working with you, future receptionist Bill Drill.”

“Same here, future…” Bill trailed off as he thought it over, eyes lighting up as something finally came to mind. “Future CEO Dee.”

Deceit laughed. 

“Me? CEO? That’s a laugh.”

“Why?” Bill asked. “Anything’s possible man.”

Deceit laughed again and he pictured himself in a suit and tie behind a big desk. It seemed a little ridiculous dream right now but maybe one day, it could be a ridiculous reality one day in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Janus finally gets a win! Yay!
> 
> Also kudos to anyone who gets the Bill Drill reference.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit makes a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: nightmare, family trauma (child abandonment specifically), standing up to child abuser/neglecter

Deceit woke up in his childhood room. He didn’t register it at first, sleep still clinging to his eyes. As he looked around, however, he slowly began to realize he was no longer safely tucked into bed at Grandma’s house. 

His childhood drawings were pinned to the walls. Some were the usual family doodles and others were sad pictures of a lone stick figure standing in a house by itself. Next to the drawings were posters of Deceit’s favorite musicals, some of which used to hang on the walls of his old room when he lived with Mitchell. 

Peaking at the nearby window, he could see the sun was slowly rising in the distance. Yet, for some reason, he could hear the sound of someone moving around downstairs. Deceit frowned as he listened, wondering who would be up and about at such early hours. 

Curiosity getting the best of him, Deceit eased off of his bed and snuck down the stairs of his childhood home. He peeked into the kitchen, finding his mother there. She was hunched over the kitchen sink. She was crying, her sobs barely stifled. On the floor next to her was the phone, its cord in a tangled mess that would be hell to fix later.

“Mom?”

She didn’t hear him.

“Mom!”

Deceit tried to walk towards her but he couldn’t reach her. The lights went out before he could get close to her. When they flickered back on, Deceit was staring at his mother’s casket, his father beside him. 

“I blame you,” his old man hissed. 

Those were the last words Deceit heard before he woke up for real. He was in his bed at Grandma’s, soaked in sweat and tears. He curled into himself, sobbing as his father’s words drummed in his ears.

* * *

Deceit wandered into the kitchen. The scent of bacon clung to the air and Deceit followed it. He felt exhausted, like he had been lifting boulders all night long. In a way, he had. The past was a heavy thing and so we’re his feelings towards his father. 

Deceit had stared up at his ceiling all night, stuck in his thoughts. He had come up with an idea between the crying and waiting for yellow lettering to appear on his walls. The idea itself felt heavier than the rest of the weight on his shoulders but maybe Grandma would be able to help with that. 

Fingers brushed the dried tears on Deceit’s cheeks. He closed his eyes, shivering at the gentle touch. It was too much and not enough all at once, an odd mix Deceit would never get used to. 

“Dee? Honey, you with me?” Grandma called. She had noticed Deceit standing in the kitchen doorway, growing worried when he didn’t say anything or move.

Deceit mumbled something incoherent, tearing up as Grandma’s gaze became even more worried. He hated to put her through this. He had been doing so well and yet his past was still coming back to bite him. 

“Did something happen?”

Deceit managed to nod his head. He curled his fingers around Grandma’s wrist, holding on as if his life depended on it.

“I’m sorry.”

Grandma hushed him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she reassured. “Take your time.”

Deceit took a moment to breathe. He focused on the smell of the kitchen for a minute. Now that he was there, he could smell way more than the bacon left forgotten on the stove. There was the soft scent of pancake mix and the crispness of freshly poured orange juice. The scents were familiar, grounding.

“I had a nightmare,” he admitted. “Mom and Dad again.”

Grandma’s eyes darkened with a dangerous cloud of anger Deceit rarely ever saw. It started in her eyes, traveled down to the pinch in her lips, and then spread out to the rest of her body until she was stiff with tension and radiating heat. 

“Is it okay if I call Remy and Patton?” Grandma asked. “I think they’d want to know what’s going on.”

Deceit nodded. 

“I...umm...I also wanted to do something but it’ll be better if I explain once they’re here.”

Grandma dropped a kiss onto his forehead. 

“Whatever you need, Hon,” she reassured. “I’m here.”

* * *

It felt like hours had passed before the front door opened up. Deceit was sitting at the dining table with Grandma, head against the tabletop. Grandma carefully carded her fingers through his hair, trying to massage the tension from both herself and Deceit. She had wrapped Deceit in a blanket while they waited for Remy and Patton, the soft one she had since he was a kid. 

Patton and Remy took a seat in the chairs on either side of Deceit. They didn’t even bother kicking off their shoes or coats on entering, focusing purely on Deceit.

“Hey, Babe,” Remy said, voice soft, almost a whisper. 

Patton held out his hand for Deceit to take. He smiled as Deceit took the hand. Though, Deceit was sure that smile would fall the second he told the others of his plan.

“I need to…” Deceit trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I need to do something.”

“Whatever you decided, we’re with you,” Patton assured, his smile still not faltering.

Deceit dragged in a long breath, closing his eyes before opening them again a second later as he met Patton’s gaze.

“I wanna call my dad.”

The corners of Patton’s lips wobbled but didn’t fall into a frown. The smile had vanished from his eyes though, acting as a doorway to the true worry running through Patton’s head. 

Remy was a different story. His face was bent in a frown, his fingers bawled into a shaking fist. He wasn’t angry. No, Remy was scared. 

Deceit couldn’t blame him.

“Are you...are you sure?” Remy asked.

“He’s going to keep harassing me in my dreams if I don’t,” Deceit explained. “I...I’ve only stood up to him once and that was at my mother’s funeral. I let him have the last word and...I shouldn’t have.”

“Dee…” Patton called, cupping Deceit’s face.

“Will you sit with me?” Deceit’s eyes had started watering, his heart slowly catching up with his brain. “During the call?”

“Of course.”

“We’re right here, Dee. No one’s going anywhere.” Grandma reassured.

She stood up, grabbing the phone. She offered it to Deceit but he hesitated. The last time he punched in the number was to tell his dad about Mom’s death and that brought back a whole swarm of memories. 

The gentle touch of Remy’s hands on his shoulders and Patton’s moving from his face to his hands drew Deceit away from the memories, providing him a small opening to get his bearings and punch in the number. 

The phone rang four times before Deceit’s dad picked up. The old man’s voice was low and tired. It sent a shiver down his spine and it took every fiber of Deceit’s being not to hang up and roll up in a ball on the kitchen floor.

“It’s me,” Deceit said into the phone. There was a long pause and then a sigh. 

“ _ What do you want? _ ” His father asked. 

“I’ll keep it short,” Deceit said, teeth gritting. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the funeral and what we said to each other back then. You’re probably expecting me to drop everything and apologize right now but that’s not what I’m here for.”

Deceit swallowed and looked to his family. They gave him reassuring smiles and thumbs up, urging him to go on. It sparked a flame in Deceit’s belly and he focused on the sound of his dad breathing on the other side of the phone. 

“I’m calling to cut you out of my life. It’s something I should’ve done a long time ago. If I had, maybe things would have turned out differently for me.” Deceit smiled into the phone. “I can’t be all that mad. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I am now. Right where I need to be.”

Patton let out a choked sob and Deceit brushed away the tears rolling down his boyfriend’s cheeks. 

“I’m changing my number and blocking yours,” Deceit told his father. “I don’t want you in my life anymore. You’ve polluted it enough. It’s about time I start living without you acting as a damn ball and chain.”

Silence followed the last of Deceit’s words. It was heavy but the heaviness wasn’t clinging to Deceit’s shoulders anymore. It hung in the air, waiting to either drop and crush Deceit beneath it or to completely disintegrate.

Finally, Deceit’s father sighed.

“ _ Alright _ ,” the old man said, not offering anything else. 

“Alright. Goodbye, __,” Deceit said using his father’s name. He refused to give him the familiar title of “dad”. That’s not who this man was anymore. Remy’s Grandma was his parent, always was and always would be. 

Grandma took the phone from Deceit as the line went dead. Deceit stared forward, his breathing speeding up as a wet laugh burst from his lips. The weight he had become so used to was gone. The relief of it was almost too much and Deceit wasn’t sure how to respond. 

Remy and Patton pulled Deceit into a hug. Deceit clung to them as he laughed and cried, babbling incoherently into the fabric of their clothes. Grandma came up to hug him too, pressing kisses to his hair. 

“We’re so proud of you, Dee.”

Deceit was proud of himself too.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Deceit talk about school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: Talk about dropping out (of school)

Deceit walked through the park, stopping at the small picnic table looking over a barren playground. He sat down, holding out his hand to offer a vanilla ice cream to Patton. Patton had a pair of binoculars in hand and was looking up at a small family of birds in the nearby oak trees. He set the binoculars down on being offered ice cream, humming happily as he took a bite. 

“Good?” Deceit asked and he started to lick his own ice cream. 

Test week was coming up so the two were getting in what time they could before Patton locked himself away to study. To say he was stressed was an understatement. Deceit had seen it in his eyes the second they met up. His eyes were red from strain, dark circles making the color even more prominent. 

Deceit stared over his cone at his boyfriend, worried. 

“Hey, Pat,” he called. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“Do you ever think about taking a break from school? Like I did?”

The idea had been on his mind for a while now. Patton had told him before about his struggles with choosing his major. Deceit had noticed too how much Patton struggled in his classes. He asked Remy and Deceit quite often for help with his projects, sometimes breaking down with frustration. 

Patton tensed. 

“What? But that would be a waste…” He trailed off, his eyes flicking away from Deceit to stare at his hands. “Sorry.”

Deceit shook off the small stab of pain the words had sparked in his chest. He instead took his boyfriend’s free hand to rub circles into the soft skin.

“Listen, I hear you but...I don’t think taking a break from school to figure stuff out is a waste.”

Patton still wouldn’t look at him. 

“I mean...look at me!” Deceit went on. “I took a break and now I’m working at a toy company! I’m just an intern but...I don’t know...I’ve been thinking about going back to school to major in business. I could go up the ranks and...and…” 

Deceit trailed off, noticing now that Patton had stopped eating his ice-cream, watching it drip down his finger instead. There was a sad, far away look on his face and Deceit realized, with a pain in his heart, that he had pushed too hard. 

“Sorry.” 

Deceit pulled his hand away and rubbed the back of his neck. 

Patton sighed, still not looking up at Deceit. 

“I’m not like you, Dee,” Patton said, voice shaking. “My parents always told me I had to go to school to be successful. They said taking a break would hurt my chances at a future but...what future?” He met Deceit’s gaze. “I can’t picture anything when I look forward.”

“Nothing?”

Patton chewed on his lip.

“Other than seeing myself happily married with kids,” he added and Deceit’s face softened. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Isn’t there?”

“Remy’s gran was a stay-at-home mom”

Patton looked away again. 

“Yeah, well, she’s stronger than me.”

Deceit leaned back, sighing. He tossed his now soupy ice cream to the ground, watching as birds picked at the mushy cone. 

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” he said while rubbing his sticky hand against the knee of his pants. “You’re not me. I shouldn’t be comparing my experience with yours.”

Patton nodded but he still wouldn’t meet Deceit’s gaze. There was. Wet shine to his eyes that made Deceit’s heartache.

“I always wanted to adopt,” Deceit said after a beat. 

Patton blinked.

“Huh?”

“Kids,” Deceit clarified. “I’m thinking...four. What do you think?”

Patton’s mouth opened and shut like a fish. 

“We’re...we’re really having this conversation? Now? It’s only been—“

“Sorry. I just…” Deceit closed his eyes. “When I see my future, I see myself and four kids. I’ve got a nice house in the suburbs with a backyard and a garden. You’re there too.” Deceit opened his eyes. “When I come home, you’re there with the kids. You show me the crafts you guys made together while I was at work and…” Deceit trailed off, leaning closer to his boyfriend. “Pat, are you crying?”

“I just...that sounds…” he trailed off, thinking of his own dreams of the future, how similar they were to what Deceit described.

Deceit hugged Patton, rubbing his back. When Patton calmed down, he held Deceit’s hands in his.

“Do you...do you think that future is possible?”

“We can try. If you want?”

Patton pressed a kiss to Deceit’s cheek. 

“I want.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton calls an old friend for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: test stress, anxiety (for the future), parental expectations

Patton’s tests were over with by now. He wanted to say he did well but he knew that was a lie. He had spent too much time on certain questions, leaving a good chunk unanswered. He had cried about it, the stress and self-doubt eating away at him. Now, sitting alone in his room, he couldn’t stop thinking about his and Deceit’s conversation from two weeks ago. 

They had been together for such a short amount of time but it wasn’t hard to envision having a future with his boyfriend. Patton had daydreamed between studying about having a family with Deceit. The daydreams brought a smile to his face, something school had failed to do since he started. 

“God, what would my parents think?” Patton asked himself. He buried his face in his hands, chest feeling tight. 

“Fuck your parents,” a familiar voice yelled in Patton’s memories and Patton’s head shot up, a small gasp leaving his mouth. An idea sparked in his mind and he left his room, wandered into the kitchen where his phone sat on the wall, and tapped in a number he used to call all the time before his high school graduation. 

The phone rang twice before Dice picked up. His voice had become lower since high school, reminding Patton of how much has changed since their graduation. 

“ _ Patton _ ?” Dice asked. “ _ Uh...sorry, I...I didn’t expect to hear from you again _ .”

Patton twirled the phone cord around his fingers.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, D. I...I know I should call more. I’ve just...I…”

“ _ Hey, it’s all good, Pat. What’s going on _ ?”

Patton ran a hand through his hair. 

“Do you remember the argument we had after graduation? I...umm...I’ve been thinking that school isn’t what’s best for me after all.”

“ _ Oh _ ?”

The interest in Dice’s voice was clear. Patton waited for Dice to say, “I told you so” but the words never came. His friend was quiet, waiting patiently for Patton to go on. 

“My boyfriend and I talked a couple of weeks ago,” Patton began to explain. “We...ummm...we talked about the future and he was okay with me just being a stay at home dad and—“

Dice sputtered on the other side of the phone like he was choking on a drink. 

“ _ Hold up! Boyfriend _ ?” Dice made a few incoherent noises. “ _ Man, you have to rewind this convo. Start at the beginning. _ ”

So Patton did. He left a few things out, knowing better than to share the private moments he knew were not his to share. He gushed about Deceit and told Dice of their shared dream, feeling more sure with his decision with every word he spoke. 

“ _ You sound happy _ ,” Dice said after a while. “ _ What’s holding you back _ ?”

Patton groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand not holding his phone. 

“This goes against everything I’ve been taught,” Patton explained. “I’m supposed to go to school, get a degree, get a job, and then date someone for a few years before getting married and having kids.” Patton dropped his hand from his face and stared up at the ceiling. “What Deceit and I talked about goes against all of that.”

Dice sighed. His disappointment wasn’t directed at Patton though. He made that clear along with his feelings on Patton’s worries.

“ _ There’s no order to life, _ ” Dice reassured. “ _ Our teachers and parents like to explain it that way cuz it’s easier and what’s expected of us but it’s just a guideline, Pat. _ ”

He let his words sink in.

_ “Let’s mess with the guide, okay? _ ” Dice offered after a beat. “ _ I want you to close your eyes, Patton, and imagine a timeline. Let's say that the timeline starts with you deciding to drop out of school. Do you and Deceit have a place to stay? _ ”

“Yeah with his guardian.”

“ _ Great. So if you two can live there together, you don’t have to worry about finding your own place and paying bills. Does he have a job _ ?”

“An internship at a toy company. He might go back to school for business too.”

Dice whistled.

“ _ Damn look at you getting yourself a future CEO.” _

The comment made Patton laugh, something he didn’t realize would feel so nice right now. 

_ “Okay, so next on the timeline is you two moving in with his guardian,”  _ Dice continued. “ _ You guys will get more time to explore your relationship and your boyfriend can start putting money away for an apartment, school, or maybe a wedding ring. _ ”

There was a pause and Patton imagined Dice spreading his hands apart as if he were holding the timeline within the palms of his hands, simple and clear as day.

“That…” Patton licked his dry lips. “Doesn’t sound too bad actually.”

“ _ Right?”  _ Dice hummed, pleased with himself. 

Patton wished that was enough to make him feel confident again, but it wasn’t. 

“My parents are going to say this is too fast,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

“ _ Forget your parents for a second. Life isn’t a perfect straight line. It’s an ugly squiggly blob. Things happen. You have to do what’s best for you, Pat. If doing what your parents expect of you makes you happy, then do it. If dropping out and going off into the unknown with your boyfriend makes you happy, I say do it.”  _ Dice’s voice softened. “ _ Just know it’s okay to make mistakes. They’re not the end. Just another path to walk _ .”

Tears fell from Patton’s eyes.

“Thanks, Dice.” 

Dice sniffled on the other end of the phone. 

“ _ Great. Now you got me emotional.” He laughed. “I’m glad you’re opening yourself up more, Pat. _ ”

Patton wiped his eyes. 

“Thanks, Dice. I’m...I’m sorry for not listening more back then. I just...it’s hard for me sometimes to look past what I’ve known.”

“ _ I’ll forgive you if you forgive me? I wasn’t exactly patient with you and...well, I could’ve worded things better back then _ .”

“I already forgave you.” Patton curled the cord of the phone around his finger. “I...I’ll try to call more too. I promise.”

He didn’t want to lose connection. Dice was his ex and their parting hadn’t been great but Patton didn’t hate Dice. Nor did he want to forget the friendship they had. It was special to him.

“ _ Same here,”  _ Dice said and Patton hid a smile behind his hand when he heard his friend sniffle _. “Missed you, Pat. _ ”

“Missed you too.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with Patton's parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: family arguments, parental expectations, pushiness, parental disappointment

On Christmas Eve, Patton stood bundled up on the front step of his parents’ house, Deceit standing by his side with a homemade pie balanced in his mitten-wrapped hands. They were only staying for dinner, having already promised Grandma that they would be back home to unwrap presents on Christmas Day with her and Remy. 

The door-bell chimed a little holiday tune as Patton pressed it. There was a scuffling sound on the other side of the door before it opened with a gentle pop. Patton’s mother stood on the other side, dressed in a red sweater covered in glitter and puppies in Santa hats. The smell of a warm fireplace and sugar cookies drifted from the house, wrapping Patton and Deceit up like a warm hug.

“Come in, come in,” Patton’s mother said, stepping to the side as she ushered the couple in. She took the pie from Deceit and scurried off to the kitchen, tucking the dessert away for later.

Patton and Deceit helped each other with their coats, hats, and scarves. They dusted the snow from their hair and wandered into the living room where Patton’s dad was enjoying a cup of eggnog and the Christmas themed cartoons playing on the TV. Like Patton’s mother, he was wearing an ugly sweater covered in puppies. He had added a set of antlers to his head though as an extra decoration.

“Dad!” Patton chimed and his father looked away from the TV, a large smile on his face as he caught sight of his son. He stood up, pulling Patton into a hug and spinning around in a slow circle. Patton laughed, pressing a kiss to his father’s cheek when he was released again. He looked over his shoulder at Deceit, his eyes softening as he took in Deceit’s surprised face. He was staring at Patton’s dad like the man had just hung the moon. 

Patton took Deceit’s hand, tugging his boyfriend closer to himself.

“Dad, this is my boyfriend, Deceit.”

Patton’s father raised a brow at the name but his smile didn’t waver. He held out a hand, pulling Deceit into a tight hug. Deceit stiffened at first, gradually relaxing the longer the hug went on. 

“Name’s Johnathan,” Patton’s dad said as he pulled away. “It’s good to meet you, Deceit.”

Deceit opened his mouth but words struggled to come out. Patton was there to save him though. He stepped in, taking Deceit by the shoulders and steering him towards the kitchen. 

“How about we help Mom out with dinner?”

Johnathan laughed, sitting back down in his chair. 

“Good luck with that,” he said. “You know your mother. She’s protective of her Christmas ham.”

He and Patton shared a knowing laugh and Patton gently shoved Deceit out of the living room and into the connected hall. They stood there for a moment under the eyes of several family photos. Deceit caught his breath, casting Patton a thankful look.

“You good?” Patton asked, eyes flicking towards the kitchen. He could hear his mother humming. 

Deceit ran a hand through his hair and bobbed his head.

“Yeah, sorry. Just...caught me off guard.”

Patton pressed a kiss to Deceit’s lips, his hand coming up to cup his boyfriend’s cheek. 

“If it gets to be too much just say the word, okay?”

“I...don’t want to ruin your time with your family.”

“You are my family, silly.” Patton kissed him again. “Promise you’ll tell me if you get overwhelmed?”

Deceit sighed, nodding his head.

Happy with the answer, Patton’s hand fell from Deceit's hand. He squeezed it, tugging lightly as he dragged Deceit into the kitchen. His mom was busily whipping up some home-made Jell-O, Patton’s favorite holiday snack.

“Hey, mom!” Patton called to get her attention. “Need any help?”

His mother looked up, setting the Jell-O to the side. She shook her head, her eyes flicking over to Deceit. He stiffened under her gaze, relaxing again once Patton gave his hand a squeeze. 

“Oh, how rude of me! I didn’t even introduce myself to you, dear.” Patton’s mom crowded into Deceit’s space, taking his hands in hers. 

“You must be Deceit, yes? Patton’s written so many letters about you.” She started to shake his hands. “I’m Mariella but you can call me Marie.”

“Nice to meet you, Marie,” Deceit said and he nodded at the stack of bowls cluttering the table. “Would you like some help?”

Marie took her hands back and turned back to her Jell-O.

“Oh, do you cook, Deceit?”

“I—”

“His fridge is disgusting,” Patton answered, earning a pout from his boyfriend.

“I’ve been getting better!” he said. “Grandma even said so.”

“With baked goods, yeah.”

Marie laughed as they bickered. She put down her Jell-O again and ushered Deceit to a bowl filled with graham crackers. She asked him to smash them up so she could use them for her blueberry dessert. While he did that, Patton got to work on making the creamy blueberry filling that would cover the graham cracker crust.

Marie hummed as they worked and Patton’s thoughts began to wander. He missed the peace that came with being home with a mixer in his hand. It was the place where he fit best and, as Patton thought of his future, it probably always would be. 

By the time supper was ready, Patton was bone-tired and starving for a plate piled full of his mother’s home-cooking. He called for his dad and everyone hurried to the dining room, Patton sitting next to Deceit and across from his parents. 

Jonathan led them all in a quick prayer before clapping his hands together and going for the bowl of stuffing first. Marie made sure everyone had at least two bites of everything before digging into her own plate. The food was as good as always and so was the company. Jonathan and Marie told Deceit old stories about themselves, sometimes teasing Patton with an embarrassing story from when he was little. Deceit had relaxed at this point and Patton felt a spark of pride because of it. 

“So how’s school going, honey?” Marie asked Patton just as he popped a spoonful of green bean casserole into his mouth. “Pick a major yet?”

Patton choked and Deceit placed a hand on his back, rubbing slow circles. 

“Pat, are you alright?” Jonathan asked. He was standing now, looking ready to rush over and give his son a swat on the back. 

Patton held up his hands.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he reassured. He rubbed his throat, happily taking a glass of water from Deceit when it was offered. “I...ummm...actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that...about school.”

Jonathan sat down, his lips curled into a loose frown. 

“Are you switching majors again?”

Patton shook his head, glancing in Deceit’s direction. His boyfriend nodded at him, giving him a small wave of confidence.

“I…” Patton blew out a breath. “I dropped out.”

Suffocating silence filled the dining room. Marie had her hands over her open mouth. Jonathan stared at Patton, almost looking through him. Their staring sent an itchiness crawling across Patton’s skin. He wiggled in his seat, wanting to grab Deceit’s hands and run away.

Marie’s eyes flicked to Deceit.

“Did you put him up to this?”

Patton’s face creased into a frown.

“Mom.”

Marie dropped her hands from her mouth. 

“It’s an honest question, Patton,” she said. “You have a knack for picking up drop-outs—”

“Deceit is not a drop-out!” Patton yelled across the table, surprising both of his parents. “He took a break and...and he found something he likes during that break. They might even pay for his schooling.” Patton’s shoulders slumped. “Dice wasn’t a drop-out either. He knew school wasn’t for him and he knew he could work with clothes by teaching himself.”

“Then what have you found?” Marie asked. “Dice and Deceit found jobs so what have you found?”

“I…” Patton wet his lips. “I want to be a stay at home dad.”

Johnathan choked on his own spit and placed a hand on his chest.

“A stay at home dad?” he asked. “Son, that isn’t—”

“It is a real job,” Patton argued. “And I...I think it’s what will make me the happiest.”

“You can’t raise children without an income, honey,” Marie argued. “Where will you get the money without an education or a job?”

Deceit straightened in his chair.

“From me,” he said. “I like my job and it pays well. If I work hard and we save up—”

Marie threw her hands in the air. 

“I’m sorry but haven’t you two just started dating? Isn’t it a bit quick to be talking about children and...and…” She shook her head, her eyes focused on Patton's. “Honey, your father and I dated ten years before getting married.”

Patton thought back to his phone call with Dice, his friend’s words giving him a small spark of confidence.

“I’m not like you and Dad. Life...it’s not perfect. I...I don’t want perfect.”

He looked to Deceit, finding his boyfriend giving him a teary smile. 

“Is it too late?” Johnathan asked, quiet. 

Patton nodded. He had already submitted all his paperwork for dropping out and talked things over with his advisor. He had moved in with Grandma too, offering his help around the house to pay for rent. Not that Grandma would ever ask him to pay her for living at her place. 

Once again, silence suffocated the dining room. Patton’s parents stared at their plates. The food tasted like ash now. Even Patton didn’t have a taste for it at the moment. 

Deceit tugged on Patton’s shirt underneath the table and Patton nodded, knowing what he was asking for without looking at him. He stood up, Deceit following him.

“Th...thanks for dinner. Umm...we have a long drive back so we better get going.”

Johnathan stood.

“Are you sure? We...well…” He looked down at his wife, trailing off when he saw her make no move to stop her son and Deceit. 

Patton forced a smile at them both.

“I’ll write to you guys,” he promised and he took Deceit’s hand, dragging him from the dining room. They left the house, grabbing their coats and boots along the way. On the front step, Patton paused, as if waiting for one or both of his parents to come running. They didn’t. As much as Patton wanted them to, they didn’t come for him. They sat at their dining table, quiet and heart-heavy.

A choked noise left Patton’s throat and Deceit dragged him to the car they had borrowed from Grandma. Deceit took the driver’s side, starting up the car and running the heater. As he waited for the car to warm, He reached out to Patton, dragging him into a hug. 

“You did so well, Pat. I’m proud of you,” he whispered into his boyfriend’s ear. “They’ll come around, Pat. They’re good people. They just need time.”

Patton nodded against Deceit’s shoulder but didn’t stop crying. He knew they would eventually warm up to the idea, that’s how his parents were. That wasn’t the problem though. It was their lack of trust in his decisions, like they didn’t believe he was capable. That’s what hurt the most.

“Can we go home?” Patton whimpered and Deceit nodded, pressing a kiss into Patton’s hair.

Stepping on the gas, Deceit got them onto the road. He turned on the radio, blasting a few of Patton’s favorite holiday tunes. When Patton didn’t sing them, Deceit did, belting out the words in weird voices until it cracked a smile onto Patton’s face. Patton laughed and eventually joined in. His heart was still heavy but as he sang with his boyfriend, the weight on his shoulders gradually floated away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A holiday chapter at the start of December? You better believe it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit helps distract Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: None that I can think of

Patton and Deceit made it home in time for Christmas Day, finding Remy and Grandma dressed as elves under the Christmas tree. The two were stacking presents but left their work to greet Patton and Deceit with happy cheers and questions about family dinner, quieting as Patton’s face fell and worriedly moving to give him a hug.

“We got you, honey,” Grandma reassured and she led Patton to a living room chair, leaving him in Deceit and Remy’s hands as she went off to make him a warm cup of hot chocolate.

Remy sat cross-legged on the carpet, going back to stacking Christmas presents. He glanced at Patton in the corner of his eye, a forced smile curling on his lips.

“Sooo…uh, is it too soon to welcome you into the ‘shitty parent’ club?” Remy asked, flinching when Deceit gave him a light punch to the shoulder and again when Patton cast him a wet-eyed look. 

Remy fiddled with the strings of his hoodie, laughing nervously. 

“I’ll...take that as a no.” He bowed his head. “Sorry.”

Patton shook his head. 

“It’s...fine. I...I shouldn’t be…” He wiped his tears away. “I’m lucky to have my parents. I shouldn’t be crying. Not when...when other people have it worse.”

Both Deceit and Remy’s faces fell.

“Patton, it’s not a competition,” Deceit reminded.

Patton choked. 

“Sorry,” he said and a few tears fell to speckle his pants. “Sorry. Sorry.”

Deceit wrapped his arms around Patton, placing a kiss on his boyfriend’s head. Patton soaked it up like a sponge. 

Unfortunately, Deceit didn’t stay for long. He gave Patton another kiss and pushed away.

“I’m gonna go get something, okay?” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

Patton nodded and Deceit disappeared into the other room. Patton and Remy shared a look, both shrugging and turning to stare at the blinking Christmas lights covering the nearby tree. It occurred to Patton then that he didn’t even get a chance to look at his parent’s tree while he was there. They always decorated it the same with his baby pictures and tiny ornaments in the shape of fluffy animals. He didn’t realize until now how much he’d miss seeing it, a few tears bubbling in the corners of his eyes again. 

Deceit wasn’t gone long, entered the living room with his face split into a toothy grin. He held a thick book above his head and a horrified moan left Remy’s lips at the sight of it. 

“Not the fucking book, Dee! Are you nuts!” Remy hurriedly covered Patton’s eyes. “What about my honor?”

Deceit chuckled and sat down on the carpeted floor, snuggling up close to the fireplace. Patton batted Remy’s hands away and slid over to join his boyfriend, tugging Remy until he too joined them around the fireplace. 

As Deceit opened the book, Patton quickly realized he was looking at a photo album. The first page was a bunch of baby photos of Remy. He was a tiny thing with a wide, gummy smile. He was always with Grandma in the pictures, either in her lap or sleeping on her chest. 

Flipping the pages, Patton watched as Remy grew up. His first day riding a bike, going to school, and even one of him spray painting the siding of Grandma’s house. It brought a laugh to Patton’s lips and he continued flipping while Deceit lightly teased Remy over every picture. 

Halfway through the book, Patton came to the ones that introduced Deceit. He looked similar to how he did now with a dash more edge thanks to a too-big leather jacket and scruffy hair. He was sitting in the back of Grandma’s car, him and Remy sharing an ice cream cone.

“That was the day we met,” Remy said while pointing at the picture. “Grandma bought us ice cream after lecturing us.”

Patton flipped to the next page, bursting out into a laugh at the sight of the next set of pictures. They were of Deceit and Remy while they were in theater. Some were when they were crowded into the light and sound booth while others were when they were on stage, dancing in bright, handmade costumes. 

“Oh my god, do you remember this, Dee?” Remy squealed while pointing at a picture of Deceit in a lion costume sneaking up on a sleeping Remy.

“Ugh. Our high school’s rendition of Wizard of Oz,” Deceit said, covering his face. 

Patton placed his hands over his mouth, eyes twinkling.

“You were the cowardly lion?” he asked.

Deceit didn’t move his hands from his face.

“Pretty sure Grandma has a VHS of him cowering from a stuffed dog,” Remy snickered.

Deceit flopped onto his back, curling up in a ball from the embarrassment. It was then when Grandma returned to the living room with a tray of hot chocolate and a VHS tape, having heard the reminiscing from the kitchen. She ignored Deceit’s cries for mercy and popped it into the VHS player for the TV before handing everyone their drinks. Horrid audio screeched from the TV speakers, calling everyone to crowd around it.

Patton leaned against Deceit. His heart was still heavy but he was happy for the distractions, Deceit’s acting being one of the best he could ask for. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit and Patton get an apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warning for this chapter.

A lot happened since Deceit’s mother’s funeral, Deceit’s and Patton’s relationship being the cherry on top. Today, they were hopefully adding another cherry as they moved out of Grandma’s and into a tiny apartment closer to Deceit’s workplace. 

Deceit was no longer an intern at the toy company. In fact, they were sending him to school to get his business degree. Patton was proud of him and just as excited to start living together. He had picked up a few odd jobs to help pay the rent, reassuring Deceit that he was happy to do it. Deceit had let it slide, promising that once he got his degree, Patton would never have to get a job again.

The apartment was a one-bedroom with windows looking into the brick of a nearby building. The kitchen was stocked with a gas stove, fridge, and a few white-painted cabinets. The bathroom and bedroom were pretty standard, small but good enough for two people. They had found it on one of their walks during Deceit’s lunch break, falling in love with it on the spot despite its flaws.

Patton dropped a stack of boxes down on the kitchen floor. He groaned, stretching his arms above his head until his joints popped. Deceit glanced over at him from where he was putting together their furniture, hair plastered to his face and sweat dripping off the tip of his nose.

“Man, is the AC on? It feels like a furnace in here.”

Patton pressed a kiss to Deceit’s cheek, tugging on his boyfriend’s hands. Deceit followed him to the living room floor, the two of them sprawling out right in front of the air conditioning unit. Deceit sighed, stretching out like a cat.

“Mmm...definitely working. Needs a better fan though.”

Deceit’s eyes slipped shut and he snuggled closer to Patton until his nose nudged against his boyfriend’s neck. 

“I thought you were warm?” Patton teased.

“And now I’m comfy,” Deceit answered.

* * *

The afternoon rolled by and as the sunset, the apartment became gradually cooler. Energy restored from the lack of heat, Deceit sat up, eyeing the half-finished furniture with determination. 

He got to work, Patton reading the directions off for him. As midnight ticked closer, they had the living room all set with a coffee table, couch, and a few wobbly bookshelves. They unpacked some of their personal items then, filling every shelf and placing photos, posters, and other Knick knacks on the walls. With every item they added, the homier their place became until it was the perfect combination of them both. 

Deceit whistled. 

“Sharp,” he commented, lighting a scented candle to kill some of the musty smell coming from the walls closest to the windows. The landlord had warned them of window leaks but they could spare a towel.

Patton yawned. 

“What do you say we leave the rest for tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Deceit grabbed Patton then, scooping him off his feet and carrying him bridal style to their new room. 

Their bed sat on the floor in the corner of the room stacked with quilts and an abundance of patterned pillows. Deceit dropped Patton into bed, laughing as a few feathers flew into the air. Patton laughed with him, reaching out a hand to drag Deceit down. The second Deceit’s head hit the pillows, Patton peppered him in kisses. 

“I love it,” Patton whispered while Deceit pulled a quilt over them. “I couldn’t ask for better.”

Deceit wrapped his arms around Patton, soaking in his warmth. 

“Me either,” he sighed, drifting off to dream of tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that chapters have been kind of short lately. My creativity is taking a long nap through these ones :/


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit buys a ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Very brief mention of depression and vomit, confronting past mistakes

The ring was perfect. Janus knew this the second he saw it. He had walked into the jewelry store on his way home from work, his eye catching the sight of a light blue engagement band. It was metallic, with a few small stones giving it some extra shine. 

“Can I help you?” the man at the desk asked, a knowing smile on his face. It was clear to him, to anyone really, that Deceit had fallen head over heels for the ring in the case. 

“My partner and I’ve been together for a year,” Deceit explained. Moved in together a few months ago actually.”

“Ah, I see. I became engaged to my wife too within a year,” the man said with a bob of his head. He held up his hand, showing off the gold wedding band now resting on his finger. “When you know, you know. The question is…” The man’s hand hovered over the glass case. “Do you know, sir?”

Deceit placed a hand to his chest, closing his eyes. He thought back to when he first met Patton. Stinking of vomit and utterly pitiful, there had still been something charming about him. Those feelings didn’t vanish, Deceit feeling a longing he couldn’t describe long after. He thought he scared Patton away with his depression but that wasn’t so. A year later they were living together and Deceit could honestly say he saw no other future for himself other than being by Patton’s side.

“I know,” Deceit answered and he went home that night with a black box resting deep within his pocket.

* * *

On the weekend, Deceit visited Grandma and Remy on his own while Patton visited with his friends. Deceit sat in the kitchen, chest puffed up with pride as both his best friend and Grandma stared at the engagement ring. Remy was a gushing mess, already jabbering about color and flower themes for the ceremony. Grandma was much calmer.

“When are you going to give it to him?” she asked.

“Wanted to talk to his parents about it first. Seems...proper.”

“Nah, man,” Remy snickered. “Don’t lie. You wanna wave it in their faces.”

Deceit shrugged a shoulder.

“Well, a little bit. They’re still being dicks about Patton dropping out.”

Grandma shook her head but didn’t comment. She took the box from the table, holding it up to the light. The gems sparkled, captivating to the eye.

“He’ll love it,” she said and raised a brow at Deceit. “Nervous?”

“Excited.”

* * *

A few days later, Deceit stood at the front door of Patton’s parents’ house. Remy was by his side, having promised to be Deceit’s support. Though, it looked like Remy was more nervous than Deceit with how he picked at the fuzz on his coat. Not that Deceit blamed him. This was the first time Remy was meeting Patton’s parents after all and he hardly had a good image of them in his head with how much Deceit has grumbled about them since Christmas Eve. 

Deceit’s knuckles hovered over the wood of the front door as he let out a breath. He tapped a light rhythm, listening as someone shuffled on the other side before opening the door wide. 

Jonathan stood in the doorway, eyes wide as he looked Deceit over and then Remy.

“Deceit,” he greeted, tense. “What a surprise.”

Deceit forced a smile. 

“Hey, he greeted and waved a hand at Remy. “This is my friend Remy. I...umm...I have something I’d like to tell you and Marie.”

Jonathan welcomed them in without saying a word and led the way to the living room. Marie was there, flipping through a book, reading glasses perched on the very tip of her nose. She looked up on hearing someone enter, her mouth falling open in surprise when she saw it was Deceit. 

“Deceit! Honey, it’s...so good to see you,” Marie said and she set her book and glasses to the side. She gave a pat to the empty cushion on the couch and Deceit sat down while Remy took the chair Jonathan offered him. 

“What did you want to tell us?” Jonathan asked, getting right to the point.

Deceit grinned for real and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the little black box he’s somehow managed to keep Patton from noticing. He set it down on the coffee table, chuckling to himself at the shocked expressions on his future parents’ faces. 

Too excited to wait any longer, Deceit cracked open the box, revealing the engagement ring inside. 

“We can’t get married legally but…” Deceit’s gaze became lost in the glittering gems. He imagined Patton’s smile reflected in them, his heart dancing in his chest. “Well, I’ve never really been one to follow the law anyway.”

Remy snickered behind his hand at that, ignoring the confused looks from Patton’s parents. 

“I wanted to ask for your blessing,” Deceit continued. “I know you might think this is fast but there’s no one I’d rather be with than Patton. That’s something time will never change.”

A thick silence hung in the air. It was long and uncomfortable. Remy was wiggling his foot, looking ready to crawl out of his skin if someone didn’t say something soon. Deceit hated it too but kept his posture straight, keeping himself prepared for whatever Patton’s parents tossed his way. 

Jonathan was the first to make a move. He stepped in front of Deceit and wrapped him in a hug that squeezed the breath right out of his lungs. 

“You have my blessing,” Jonathan said. He pulled back a little, gaze sad. “Marie and I’ve talked about Christmas Eve and...well, you and Patton were right. This is your life. We should trust you with it.” He placed a hand on top of Deceit’s head. “Thank you for helping him feel confident to stand up to us. Marie and I can be quite headstrong when we want to be.”

“Jonny,” Marie warned, earning a look from her husband. 

Jonathan released Deceit, taking a step back. Free, Deceit turned his body, facing Marie as she now stared at her hands. She was fiddling with her own rings.

“I still think this is too fast,” she admitted. “But...Jonny is right. You and Patton are right. Life is...well, it’s a tricky thing.” She sighed and lifted her gaze to meet Deceit’s. “You have my blessing as well, Dear.”

Deceit and Remy both punched the air with their fists, whooping louder than they had at college football games. 

Lowering his fist from the air, Deceit pulled Marie into a hug, holding her tight. When he pulled back, he took the ring and stuffed it in his pocket. He stood, Remy standing too. 

“Patton could really use a call from you guys,” he said. “Maybe one with an apology?”

Jonathan bobbed his head.

“We will.” He glanced at Marie. “Promise.”

Deceit grinned, giving them both a wave.

“Then we’ll be off then. Take care.”

With that, Deceit and Remy rushed to the outside. Their bikes were waiting for them and both men gave each other a high five before reaching for their helmets.

“Dude, you did it!” Remy yelled. “Look at you!”

Deceit did a little bow and sat down on the seat of his bike. 

“Amazing, I know. Just one of my special talents.”

Remy sat down on his own bike, giving Deceit a curious look. 

“Yeah, yeah, but now here’s the hard part...how are you gonna propose?”

Deceit froze, his eyes going wide. Out of everything. That’s the one thing he had yet to think of. He pressed a hand to his face, trying to hide his blush. It was useless though. Remy saw right through it and let out a whooping laugh. 

“Don’t worry man. You’ll think of something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First comes love, then comes marriage *throws confetti*


End file.
